


Find Me and Follow Me

by orphan_account



Series: Dirty and Perfect [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottoming from the Top, Childbirth, Christmas, Cousin Incest, Dirty Talk, Felching, Foot Massage, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Rimming, Romance, Secret Relationship, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2177184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur have been able to keep the details of their relationship a secret for nearly a year. They've become comfortable with the situation, and are closer than ever. Then Morgana gets married and the situation gets decidedly less comfortable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Merlin, Merlin, wait.”

Merlin stopped thrusting and looked down at Arthur with confusion. Arthur’s mobile was ringing on the nightstand beside them but surely Arthur wasn’t telling him to stop for that?

He gaped when Arthur extended his arm to reach for it.

“It’s my father’s ringtone,” Arthur explained. “He almost never calls me, so when he does it has to be important. That, and he gets explosively angry when I don’t answer.”

Merlin was incredulous. “You can’t be serious. I’ve got my cock in you, Arthur!”

Arthur put a finger to his lips and answered the phone. “Hello?”

Merlin sighed and put his elbows to the bed, taking the weight off his hands as he waited.

“Yes, Father, I’ve been great. And you?......Oh......Morgana? No, I haven’t spoken to her since last month, maybe two or three weeks ago......No......She is?! To who?”

“What’s going on?” Merlin asked.

Arthur put a hand over his mouth, shushing him. “I didn’t even know she was seeing anybody. Has she told anyone else?”

“Hrrhfrr.”

Merlin had an idea about what was being said, but he wished Arthur would at least put it on speakerphone so he could hear as well.

“Well, when is the wedding?”

“Hnnt!”

Arthur glared at him to be quiet so Merlin gave a hard thrust, knocking the breath out of him.

“S-Sorry, what?” Arthur said into the phone. “Well, she’s our aunt, of course Morgana wants her to come......She can hardly influence us now that we’ve done growing, can she? And she’s not _so_ bad.”

Merlin furrowed his brow. Were they talking about his mum? Arthur only had the one aunt.

Arthur suddenly barked out a laugh. “Father, it’s one wedding, I’m sure you can deal with her for a single day. You’re the one who’s always telling me how important family is and yet you can’t even talk to your own sister.” Arthur’s eyes went wide, and his brows shot up. “What about him?”

_What about who? What about who?!_

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

Merlin pulled his mouth away from Arthur’s hand and spoke in a hushed whisper. “What doesn’t make any sense?”

“Father, now you’re just grasping at straws. Just because you think...just because you think that, it doesn’t make them weird.”

Merlin sighed and put his head to Arthur’s shoulder. Obviously Arthur was going to be difficult. But Merlin would just get it out of him later.

“I, uh, I think. It’s been ages since I’ve talked to him, but I might have his number somewhere. And I could always call Aunt Hunith if I can’t manage to find it.”

Merlin snorted.

“Look, Father, I have to go, I’m a bit busy.”

“Fucking the weird cousin,” Merlin mumbled. Arthur thumped his head.

“Yeah, alright. Bye.” Arthur groaned as he let the phone fall to the bed. “For Christ’s sake, of all the times to—Whatever, come on, keep going.”

“You’ll tell me what happened afterward?” Merlin asked, pushing himself up.

“Yeah, yeah, just move.”

Merlin found his old position and started thrusting again, pleased to hear Arthur’s shaky breathing once more. He hadn’t even heard what his uncle had said about him, but it was enough to make him angry. And maybe it was a bit unfair to channel that anger into sex, but that’s what Merlin did, unable to stop it, unable to keep from clenching his jaw and snapping his hips forward hard enough to make Arthur moan.

Uther had always looked at him like there was something wrong with him, like he didn’t approve, and he’d made no secret of his feelings toward his sister either. But if he had tried to get Morgana not to invite them, if he really would go _that far_ , then the man had deeper issues than Merlin had originally thought.

His own cousin’s wedding and Uther didn’t want him to go!

Merlin grit his teeth and sped up, needing to finish now, feeling himself so tantalisingly close. He buried his face in Arthur’s neck and pumped harder, faster, taking pleasure in every part of Arthur, from the wet heat of his arse to the scrape of Arthur’s nails up his back.

“Oh, oh, _God_ , Merlin, fuck!”

Merlin exhaled slowly as he came, then took one large gulp of air, which smelled strongly of sweat and sex. He didn’t realise he was shaking until Arthur’s limbs fell, unwrapping from where they’d been curled around him. When there was enough space between them to see, Merlin looked down and saw Arthur had come as well.

“That’s never happened before,” Arthur said hoarsely.

“Oh.”

He took his time pulling out, then ducked under Arthur’s leg to fall beside him. He wasn’t as angry anymore, just tired, and wanted to lay here a while before getting up to clean himself off.

“So Morgana’s getting married,” Arthur said after a few minutes.

“So I gathered.”

“He said you’re weird for being gay.”

Merlin propped himself up on his elbow. “What?”

“I told him he was grasping at straws, you heard me. He didn’t have any real reason for thinking you odd so he used what he could. I wish I knew what his problem was.”

“Just two different minds, I suppose,” Merlin muttered, laying back down. “Open and closed.”

“Suppose so.”

They just lay there and breathed for a few moments before Merlin said, “You should probably ring your cousin Merlin.”

Arthur pulled a lock of his hair. “Shut up.”

“If you can manage to find his number, that is.”

“Oh I’ll find his number alright...”

“Arthur, what are you—Arthur!”

Merlin curled up on his side, but Arthur’s fingers wormed their way further, digging in and making Merlin giggle. For someone who was always calling people immature, Arthur certainly enjoyed resorting to tickling.

*

_< are you busy?  >_

Merlin actually was busy when he’d got the text from Arthur—busy eating dinner. He resolved to ignore it until he finished, considering if he replied then Arthur would just oppose him and say he wasn’t busy if he had the time to respond.

_< merlin  >_

Merlin ignored that, too.

_< EMERGENCY  >_

Merlin sighed and frowned at his mobile.

_< A VIVI EMERGENCY  >_

Groaning, Merlin gave in. _< what?  >_

_< how fast can you come over?  >_

_< i’m eating  >_

_< and i’m desperate. i admit it. I AM DESPERATE.  >_

_< what do you need?  >_

_< for you to snog me in front of her  >_

Merlin nearly choked.

 _< she won’t want me if she’s disgusted with me. it’ll get rid of her once and for all  >_ Arthur continued.

_< what if she tells someone?  >_

_< so it’ll be a “one time i dated a bloke who hooked up with his cousin” story, nothing more. she said she’s coming over now merlin please  >_

For fuck’s sake. _< fine, leaving in a couple minutes  >_

Merlin shoved as much food as he could in his mouth then ran for his shoes and keys. He hoped for Arthur’s sake that Vivian wasn’t close, or that he at least wouldn’t open the door until Merlin arrived.

*

She was standing outside in the corridor leaning against Arthur’s door when Merlin got there. Just seeing her made Merlin feel nervous, reminded him of how mental she was. He felt better about having made the journey at least now—whatever it took to get the crazy cunt away from Arthur.

“What are you doing here?” she asked when she saw him.

“You’ve got to stop saying that,” Merlin replied, shooting her a smile. “I’m here to see my cousin. What about you? The last time you were here, he didn’t seem too pleased to see you.”

Vivian raised her chin defiantly, crossing her arms. “Arthur and I are in a complicated relationship that I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

Merlin let his smile drop. “Right.” He turned to knock on the door. “Arthur, it’s me.”

Arthur’s voice came back muffled. “Is Vivian still out there?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Don’t let her in.”

Merlin glanced at her, eyeing her nails and how long they looked. They hadn’t seemed like claws before but Merlin definitely felt as if his skin would be no match for them now.

“Um. Okay.”

The door only opened a crack before Vivian rushed forward, pushing it open. Merlin half expected Arthur to try and stop her, but wasn’t really surprised when the door seemed to fly open with no one blocking it.

Merlin walked in after her warily, wincing when she shrieked Arthur’s name and started making for him. He suddenly felt a hand clutch his elbow and pull him to the side, and before he knew what had happened, he was standing in front of Arthur, blocking Vivian’s attack.

“Do something,” Arthur hissed in his ear.

Merlin was at a loss. So he decided to wing it.

He raised his hand to keep Vivian back and she stopped dead in her tracks, eyeing him furiously. Merlin saw her hands ball into fists and gulped when he thought of those long nails again.

Smiling, Merlin lowered his hand. “Vivian. Listen. There’s been a misunderstanding,” he said. He walked behind Arthur and slid his arms around Arthur’s waist, pulling him possessively closer. “Arthur is mine.”

Merlin wasn’t sure if Arthur would be okay with the impromptu plan, but he seemed to be when he leaned back into Merlin’s embrace.

Vivian’s eyes went wide for a moment, but then she laughed and crossed her arms. “Really, Arthur, bringing your cousin into this? You can’t get rid of me that easily, not when our love is meant to be.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t love you?” Arthur snapped. “Merlin’s not lying. He’s mine and...and I’m his.” His arms joined Merlin’s, wrapping around himself and entwining their fingers together. Merlin grinned triumphantly. “I don’t want you, so leave me the hell alone.”

“Arthur, I’m not falling for this!” she shouted. “I know you, I’m not stupid. You wouldn’t date your cousin, that’s not like you at all, so stop trying to mess with me!”

Arthur laughed. “Why wouldn’t I date him? Have you seen him?”

One of his hands came up to hold Merlin’s chin, turning his head to the side to put him on display. Merlin offered a small smile.

Vivian stomped her foot in frustration. “Arthur!”

“Has a decent cock as well,” Arthur continued, twisting his neck to look at Merlin with a grin.

Merlin blushed and dropped his eyes. Arthur had never really complimented him on anything specific, just the general “fuck, you look hot” or “you’re so fucking gorgeous, Merlin.” He hadn’t known exactly what Arthur had thought of his dick, but chances were if Arthur was calling it decent then that meant he thought it much more.

“Isn’t a bad kisser either…”

Arthur’s lips brushed across Merlin’s jaw, the tip of his nose sliding against the side of Merlin’s, and Merlin didn’t know what was happening to him, why his heart was beating so quickly or why his stomach was fluttering but the instant his mouth slotted with Arthur’s, he had to grab a fistful of Arthur’s shirt to steady himself.

Arthur never did it like this, with each gentle kiss moving easily into the next, lips and tongue dancing in perfect sync. But they’d also never done it from this angle, Arthur wrapped up in Merlin’s arms, and they’d never done it for any other reason except as a prelude to sex. Now it felt like kissing just to be kissing.

It felt romantic.

“Are you...Are you fucking kidding me?”

Arthur began pulling away to address Vivian but Merlin stretched his neck out to make the kiss last that much longer, and Arthur, at least, seemed to try and make up for it by briefly kissing his lower lip, like a promise.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say,” Arthur said, turning back to Vivian. “I’m _not_ kidding. And I’m not in love with you, nor will I ever be.”

Vivian’s eyes glistened with tears, making her look both disbelieving and anguished. “Seriously?! You’re leaving me for...for your _cousin_?”

Arthur snorted. “I left you months ago, and it was because you’re fucking mental.”

A sob was torn from her throat, and Merlin felt sort of sorry for her as she ran from the flat. The plan had been to disgust her into hating Arthur, not to break her heart.

Still, he supposed Arthur was better off either way.

“Finally,” Arthur sighed, leaving Merlin’s arms to close the door. “Thanks, Merlin. Hopefully that’s the last I’ll be seeing of her.”

Merlin shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “No problem.”

“And sorry about interrupting your dinner or whatever.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “First a thanks and now an apology? Where’s my cousin, what have you done with him?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and shoved Merlin’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“Well I’m off, have to work tomorrow,” Merlin said, chuckling as he opened the door. “Glad I could help. Oh, and Arthur?”

“Yeah?”

Merlin leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s mouth, flicking his tongue against the seam of his lips.

“You have a decent cock too, I guess.”

“Ha!” Arthur barked out. “Please, Merlin, you already told me how much you love it the first time at the club.”

“Twat.”

*

The months leading up to the wedding were relatively easy. It was the days just prior that were stressful. Arthur didn’t have to tell Merlin how they should act—close but not too close, friendly but not too friendly, annoyed with each other but not to the point of raising questions.

Now, at the groom's stag do, Merlin could tell immediately why Morgana didn’t mention having a boyfriend to her father. Her fiancé Gwaine was the exact opposite of the sort of man Uther would approve of. He was loud, blunt, inappropriate, and rather unkempt looking in the homeless sort of way but also in a way that he managed to pull off. Uther had no doubt been itching to take a pair of scissors to the man’s head when he’d first met him.

But for all of that, he was actually a good bloke. Merlin liked him right away, though Arthur seemed to take a while to warm up to him.

“He’s a model, for Christ’s sake!” Arthur had complained to Merlin over the phone. “How is that in any way a stable career?”

Merlin was just glad he and Arthur got to share a hotel room for the duration of the weekend, and without having had to ask. Apparently it’d been assumed that putting the cousins together wouldn’t be a problem and that they wouldn’t mind.

Which of course they didn’t.

It wasn’t the public appearances or the hotel room or the wedding itself that Merlin was worried about. It was the alcohol.

It wasn’t that Merlin was stupid when he was drunk. He just took risks. He did things like invite total strangers into the back room of a club to fuck him. He got a bit handsy. A bit uninhibited.

“Merlin’s only allowed the weak, girly drinks,” Arthur announced, throwing an arm around Merlin’s neck in a playful hold. “Fucking lightweight.”

Merlin ducked his head and slid out from under Arthur’s arm, then popped back up, giving the others a bashful grin.

“‘Fraid Arthur’s right, actually. I’ll be puking my guts out tomorrow otherwise.”

“Aw, but that’s half the fun!” Gwaine exclaimed.

“Not when we’re sharing the same loo,” Arthur pointed out.

“Have it your way. I’m all for a good drink, but I won’t force anything down your throat.”

Merlin smiled gratefully. “Cheers.”

He tried not to drink at all. He tried to fade into the background completely, to be a wallflower for once in his life. But he ended up having two glasses of some fruity wine, and felt light-headed and giddy after those alone.

“I’m done,” he giggled, slicing his hand through the air. “No more for me.”

“Aw, mate, tell me you’re joking!” Gwaine protested, slinging an arm over Merlin’s shoulder. “If you’re gonna be like this the whole weekend, we might have to have a chat.”

“I can still be loads of fun. I act pissed when I’m sober anyway. Although I think some people might call it eccentric.”

Arthur snickered so hard that his drink started dribbling down his chin and onto his shirt. How did he look so stupidly adorable and attractive even drooling like an idiot?

Yeah, definitely time to stop drinking.

“Your loss, mate,” Gwaine said, patting Merlin’s shoulder. He wandered off to the other side of the room where his friends were sitting.

“I, uh, might have to stop as well,” Arthur muttered when it was just the two of them side by side. With a glance at Arthur, Merlin didn’t have to ask why. Arthur’s eyes a looked a bit wild, the pupils blown, and he was obviously starting to sweat, just a bit.

It was ridiculous. After months of shagging—nearly a year!—Merlin would’ve expected the passion to have died down a bit. Instead, the opposite seemed to be happening. After Merlin helped Arthur deal with Vivian once and for all, things had changed. Kissing wasn’t just a prelude to sex anymore, but something that just _happened_ ; they spent more time at each other’s flats, sleeping over more often than not; they even went out on...well, Merlin wouldn’t call them dates, but to anyone who didn’t know, it surely must’ve looked like that.

They shouldn’t have been standing there, nearly unable to keep their hands off each other. Not after how long and how frequently they’d been fucking. But maybe—Merlin realised with dawning horror—he didn’t want to get his hands on Arthur to fuck him. Maybe he wanted to do what he’d done in front of Vivian, wrap his arms around Arthur’s waist and just hold him close, press up against him and feel his warmth.

Or maybe it was just that he’d gotten so used to being able to touch Arthur freely that now it was torture being deprived the privilege. Yes, that was probably it.

Catching Arthur’s eye again as Arthur put his glass down, Merlin saw their thoughts were much the same.

They both looked at their mobiles at the same time. The night was still far too young.

*

They were the first to leave, but even then it was only after they were sure everyone else was too pissed to care much. Now Arthur was being his usual idiot self, putting the hotel key in the wrong way—repeatedly—and expecting it to open.

“Arthur, you utter cabbage-head,” Merlin sighed, snatching the key out of his fingers. He flipped it the right way and slid it in, turning the handle when the light turned green.

He hadn’t even opened the door wide enough to step inside when Arthur put hands on his hips and started pushing him forward. He could feel the insistent hardness of Arthur’s cock pressing against his backside and rolled into it instinctively before throwing the key on the desk and spinning around to feel him properly.

He nearly tripped over a suitcase because Arthur kept kissing him on their way to the bed, reluctant to part for more than a second. When they finally fell on the mattress, kicking their shoes off and scrambling to remove their shirts, they’d calmed down enough to slow down, to leave wet, sloppy kisses across each other’s chests with no feeling of urgency.

But it didn’t seem to be about sex, or even about getting off this time. Arthur kissed down Merlin’s front, tugging down his trousers and pants when the time came, but once Merlin’s cock sprang free, flushed and erect, Arthur didn’t really pay much attention to it, and Merlin found he didn’t much mind. He just kissed his way back up and let Merlin roll him over so he could do the same.

Then, both naked, it was enough to just entangle their limbs, bask in the feeling of the other’s flesh while they lazily kissed. There was a bit of thrusting, some rolling of hips, even the occasional clutch of skin or one leg hooking around a waist, but no hurry to do more. Which was strange, because even though they’d gone much further than this, done the naughtiest most outlandish things they could think to try, it was now, amongst nothing but frotting and snogging that Merlin felt happiest.

Literally like he was about to burst with joy.

“You’re smiling and it’s making this kiss decidedly less pleasant,” Arthur teased. But when Merlin pulled away to look back at him, he saw Arthur was smiling, too.

“Didn’t realise how much I like touching you,” Merlin confessed, chuckling.

“Well, you always were rather slow.”

“And yet I’m still the smart one.” Then the statement processed, and Merlin rolled on top so he could sit astride Arthur and look down at him curiously. “What d’you mean I’m slow?”

“Merlin, how could you fail to realise how much you like touching me? We’re almost always touching, it’s kind of hard to miss.”

Arthur was right. Merlin couldn’t remember for sure when it had started. Maybe it had happened slowly as the weeks passed and they spent more time together. Either way, if they weren’t in public—and even sometimes when they _were_ in public—they were making physical contact in some sort of way. Leaning on each other, laying on each other, sitting on each other—flicking fingers, shoving shoulders, grabbing arms, pulling wrists, brushing legs, bumping hips. Always touching.

“That’s so _weird_!”

Arthur laughed and ran his hands up and down Merlin’s thighs. “I don’t think so. It just means we’re comfortable with each other. Why’s that weird?”

“I dunno. It’s just. I dunno. We weren’t always like that.”

“So? Stop overthinking things.”

“I mean, we’re not...We’re still just fucking, right?”

“What?” Arthur groaned. “Come on, Merlin, this again?”

“I just want to make sure.”

Arthur sighed. “No, I’m not in fucking love with you, Merlin, that’s disgusting.”

“What?!”

Arthur guffawed. “Honestly, have you smelled your morning breath?”

“Oh my God, you arse.”

Arthur just kept laughing.

“At least I don’t fart in my sleep,” Merlin countered.

“Neither do I.”

“Yes you do!”

“Yeah...I’m not sleeping when I do that,” Arthur said, grinning.

“You arse!”

“You called me that already.”

“That’s because that’s what you are!”

Arthur laughed again, but Merlin did feel a lot better about the situation overall now. When Arthur’s laughs faded into chuckles and he slid his right hand up far enough up to wrap around their cocks, Merlin had relaxed enough to rock into it.

“Are you going to come back down here and kiss me or will I have to take matters into my own hands?” Arthur prompted.

“Hmm.” Merlin leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Arthur’s head with a wicked grin. “I’ll kiss you, but I think I rather like matters being in your hands.”

Arthur got that look in his eye that meant he was up to no good, but before Merlin could figure it out, Arthur had raised his free hand and brought it back down on Merlin’s arse in a hard slap. Merlin moaned and rolled his hips forward before he even realised what he was doing.

So really he had no choice but to give in and keep kissing Arthur a bit more.

*

Things were fine as long as they either stayed far enough apart that they didn’t feel the tension or close enough together to satisfy the need for proximity. When drinks were involved—which was often—the case was mostly far apart. Sober, it was more bearable not to touch so overtly, though there were more than a few times Merlin had to catch himself before resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder or draping his legs over Arthur’s lap as had become habit.

And it was only one weekend, two days they had to behave.  Well, that and the day of the wedding. But that was a week away.

If they could get through the stag do without any slipups, surely they could manage a wedding.

*

Merlin may have underestimated how good Arthur would look on the day of the wedding. He may have also underestimated Arthur’s attractiveness when giving speeches during the reception.

One thing he did not underestimate was the length of the tablecloth, the looseness of his trousers, or the utter awkwardness of having a hard-on for his cousin right next to his mother and _everyone fucking else_. Those, he had taken into consideration beforehand. Just in case.

*

“Arthur looks well, doesn’t he?”

His mother’s question made Merlin start sweating, which was ridiculous, because it was an innocent enough question. He glanced across the room at where Arthur stood with Uncle Uther and felt his pulse start racing.

“How do you mean?” he asked his mother.

“Oh, well, he’s certainly grown up, hasn’t he? Remember he was always so average before? Nothing remarkable, like you.”

“The only thing that made me remarkable were my ears,” Merlin muttered.

“Arthur was...Well, he just _was_ , you know? In the way that average people just are. He looks to be much more now. It did him good to get out of Uther’s house, gave himself some room to spread his wings.”

“I guess. I dunno. Haven’t really paid attention.”

“You two talked at the stag do, didn’t you?” Hunith asked.

“Uh…”

“Merlin, I know they’re different from us, but you can’t _ignore_ him. You two were so close when you were younger—or at least when Uther allowed you to be. But he’s still family!”

“I didn’t ignore him! Look, Mum, we talked, but it’s not like we’re best friends or anything. He’s...he’s completely different from how he was before.”

_Not average in the slightest. Not even a little._

_Don’t think about him naked don’t think about him naked don’t think about him naked_

“Does he have a girlfriend?” Hunith asked.

“No! I mean, I don’t think so. Not that I’d know. I didn’t ask. She’d probably be here if he did.” Merlin clamped his mouth shut before he started sounding even more stupid. And before he could think too much about why the question bothered him so much.

“D’you think he’s gay as well?”

“Wh-Why do you ask?”

“Look. That’s the fourth girl who’s come up to him. And it doesn’t look he’s giving her the answer she wanted.”

“Maybe he doesn’t feel well.”

“You’d think he’d at least be polite. You’d dance with someone if they asked you, wouldn’t you? Even if you didn’t fancy them?”

“Arthur and I are rather different people, Mum.”

“Oh dear, Uther’s not happy.”

“Is he ever?”

Hunith laughed. “No, but he’s really not happy with Arthur now. I suspect it’s his poor manners.” She turned to Merlin and gave him a conspiratorial look. “Shall we go over there and annoy your uncle, save Arthur from a lecture?”

“Oh, no, we really shou—Oh, okay,” Merlin finished when she grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward.

“Uther!” Hunith exclaimed as soon as they were within earshot.

Merlin tried to apologise to Arthur with his eyes, but then he got distracted by Arthur himself and how good he looked and how he wanted to fuck him senseless and had to look away.

“Hunith,” Uther said coolly. “Merlin.”

“Hi, Uncle Uther. And uh, hi, Arthur.”

Arthur chuckled. “Hello, Hunith. Good to see you finally wearing a suit that fits, Merlin.”

“I have plenty of clothes that fit actually, you just haven’t seen me in them.”

Merlin wanted to punch himself in the face. He figured Arthur wouldn’t disapprove, considering Arthur had blushed to the tips of his ears as well.

“I meant, er...How’s it feel to be a brother-in-law now?”

“It feels the same.”

“Right. Of course.”

“Where is Morgana, by the way?” Hunith interjected. “I haven’t seen her since she and Gwaine danced.”

“She’s around here somewhere, I’m sure,” Uther said, scanning the crowd.

Arthur shook his head. “They left.”

Uther gaped. “They left?!”

“Yeah. She texted me and told me not to tell you.” Arthur shrugged.

“Oh, well, I don’t blame her for not saying hello,” Hunith said, chuckling. “There’ll be plenty other occasions, surely. Nine months from now, for example.”

Uther’s face turned down in a sneer, as though just the thought of Morgana having a child with Gwaine turned his stomach. Arthur only snickered.

“Suppose there’s no reason for you to stay then, is there?” Uther said, eyeing Hunith.

“Father!”

“Oh, there’s every reason to stay,” Hunith replied easily. “I see several tasty reasons just sitting on that table over there. Oh my, and several standing around it as well. Tell me, Merlin, do you think any of those men are gay or does your dear old mum have a chance?”

Uther huffed and stormed off before Merlin could stammer out a reply, leaving Arthur to look back and forth between them. In the end, Arthur stayed with Merlin and his giggling mother.

“Mum,” Merlin sighed.

“He’s going to give me an earful about that later, you know,” Arthur said.

“But it was so much fun! Did you see his face? He was utterly disgusted,” she finished, laughing.

Merlin sighed again.

“Right, well, I’m going to get something to eat,” Hunith declared. “Merlin, go find a cute boy to dance with, and Arthur, go find...well, whatever it is you’re into. If I’m lucky I won’t see you until tomorrow. Bye!” She shuffled through the crowd to the table in the corner, running fingers through her hair as she went.

“So she’s still…”

“The same as ever,” Merlin finished. “Yeah. And your dad still seems to have a stick up his arse.”

“Yeah, well, let’s not talk about him. Is Hunith staying with you a few days while she’s here?”

“Yes.”

“So we should go back to mine. My dad’s got a hotel so there’s no chance someone will come in like at your’s.”

Merlin exhaled in relief. “God yes, please, let’s go.”

*

They only barely made it to the bedroom. Even then, they didn’t make it to the bed, and neither of them managed to get fully undressed. Arthur undid Merlin’s belt, dropped his trousers, and had his cheek against the wall before Merlin knew what was happening.

To be fair, most of the time when Arthur was that rough, Merlin purposely distanced his mind from it, letting himself be pushed around. There was something thrilling about being upright and clothed one moment and bent over about to be fucked the next.

And it seemed sex was always sweeter after enduring what felt to be endless tension. Merlin had stared at Arthur the entire wedding, wanted to ride his cock the entire reception, and now Arthur was pushing into him, breaching him, _filling_ him, and it was as rewarding as it had been during the stag do.

“Fuck—fuck—fuck—”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“Faster, Arthur, c’mon, please, I need—Oh _fuck_ yes!”

Merlin was glad for the wall. He needed something to lean against while Arthur pounded into him. He needed something to weakly curl his fingers on as every forceful thrust tore a moan from his throat. It felt so good, the slide of Arthur’s cock, after watching him so long, wanting him when he shouldn’t have been wanting him.

_No, Mum, Arthur doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s too busy fucking me._

“H-Harder, Arthur, you fucking tease, you know how I like it,” Merlin panted.

There was a slap to Merlin’s arse, making him squeeze his eyes shut and moan as he clenched around Arthur’s cock, and then there was Arthur’s hand gripping his shoulder for leverage, pushing him more perpendicular to the floor for a better angle before shoving further inside, so wonderfully deep and sudden that Merlin cried out.

He was so close already, so fucking hard, but when he lowered a hand to touch himself, Arthur grabbed it and slammed it back against the wall. Merlin whined, but he didn’t complain; he couldn’t find anything to complain about while Arthur was making him feel as good as he already was.

A hand came down on his arse again, kneading the pain in it this time, firmly and possessively, and that was so much better than before. Merlin reached his own hand back just for some part of Arthur to touch, to hold onto while he took his cock.

He cried out again when Arthur finally wrapped sweaty fingers around him. It wouldn’t be long now, not with Arthur hitting all the right nerves, twisting his wrist at just the right spot.

“Oh, ohfuck—”

It shot out of him in one brilliantly intense pulse before spurting in short bursts. He gasped for breath as Arthur fucked into him a dozen more times, still clutching weakly at the wall in front of him and Arthur’s hip behind him. He could barely hold himself up by the time Arthur finally went still and pulled out.

“Let’s take a shower, I’m sure we reek,” Arthur said after catching his breath.

Merlin realised for the first time how sweaty he was, still in his suit jacket and shirt from the wedding. He nodded and stepped out of his trousers before following Arthur to the bathroom.

*

“Merlin?” Arthur’s voice whispered in Merlin’s ear the next morning. “You awake yet?”

Merlin had actually been staring at the wall opposite his bed for the past ten or so minutes, enjoying the feeling of Arthur just being in his bed, and consequently not knowing how to feel about _that_.

“Yeah, why?”

Arthur slid closer, and at the same moment Merlin felt a hand start gliding over his hip, down his thigh, he felt kisses being pressed up his arm. That, and Arthur’s erection against his arse.

“Had the most amazing dream,” Arthur purred. “God, you were so fucking hot.”

“Arthur.” Merlin turned on his side, pushing a hand to Arthur’s chest. “Are you fucking anyone else besides me? Are you dating anyone?”

Arthur frowned. “No. What kind of question is that?”

“Why not?”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“Why not?” Merlin insisted.

“Because I’m not interested in that right now. Relationships are complicated, or can be. I’m happy with what I have,” he finished, shrugging. He reached out to wrap an arm around Merlin’s waist but Merlin stopped him again.

“I think...I think we should stop.”

“What? Why?”

Merlin chewed his lip. “I just think we’re too...I dunno...intense.”

Arthur looked crushed. His stupidly perfect lips pursed in a pout (the same way they had even when he was young and “average”) and his eyes stared at Merlin, asking, ‘why, _why_ would you hurt me this way?’

Merlin groaned and rolled over to bury his face in the pillow. Which smelled of Arthur, because this was Arthur’s bed, in Arthur’s flat.

“Don’t give me that face,” Merlin mourned.

“I don’t understand,” Arthur said. “Everything’s been...it’s been perfect, and now you want to stop?”

“What if someone finds out, Arthur?” Merlin asked, turning back to look at him. “What if—What if your father knocked on the door right now and found me here? How would I explain that?”

Arthur clenched his jaw. “That’s not going to happen, and it’s no use talking about hypothetical situations when I’m asking you a question.”

“It’s not just that!”

“Then what the hell is it? Why is it that _now_ you think we’re ‘too intense?’ Whatever the fuck that means.”

“I think you should find a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, I don’t know.”

“I don’t want one!”

“And I don’t _want_ you to want one. That’s the problem!”

Merlin threw back the duvet and jumped out of bed to find his clothes. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that, couldn’t believe how hard it was to make himself take step after step away from the bed.

In his mind, he was taking everything back, jumping back into bed, into Arthur’s arms, kissing him and holding him and breathing him in. His heart ached with how badly he wanted to make that happen. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t let himself, because it wasn’t something he was allowed to have.

“Merlin, stop!” Arthur stood in front of the door, arms outstretched. “Just tell me what’s going on. You’re not making sense.”

Merlin sighed as he picked up his shirt, bunching it in his hands. He didn’t want to tell Arthur, but he supposed they’d told each other worse things.

“It was different before, in the beginning,” Merlin began. “I didn’t care if you were with someone else or not. It was all just for fun. But it’s not anymore. I don’t want you with anyone else now.”

“I’m not—”

“And I’m worried that—”

“I love you.”

Merlin’s mouth opened, but no words came out. He felt like two forces were at war in his head, the _YES_ and _NO_ back to battle it out.

“Arthur…”

Arthur dropped his arms. “I lied before. I’ve been lying for ages. I’m sorry.”

Merlin shook his head. “I...We can’t.”

“Why not? Cousins used to get married all the time! And it’s not like it’s illegal!”

“You think the rest of our family is going to see it that way? Forget the fact that they hate each other. They’ll say—What d’you think your father would say?”

“He’ll be horrified and disgusted, but I don’t care.”

“Arthur—”

“Don’t make me beg, Merlin. I’ll do it, I will.”

Merlin barked out a laugh. “You don’t beg, Arthur.”

Arthur dropped to his knees, and Merlin gaped as Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s legs and looked up at him.

“See? I’m begging,” Arthur said. “I love you, Merlin, I’m _in_ love with you, and if you want to stop because you honestly don’t want to do this anymore then that’s fine, but don’t let something as stupid as—”

“They’ll say it’s wrong, Arthur!”

“ _They’re_ the ones who’re wrong! Other animals have incestuous relationships all the time.” Merlin couldn’t help it—he cringed at the term. “Why do humans have to be the only ones who have some strange aversion to it? And don’t give me the genetic defects excuse because we’re not having any children and it doesn’t apply.”

“Because people will—”

“Fuck what everyone else thinks. If you were my brother, I’d still love you. If you were my son, I’d still love you. And anyone who has a problem with that should fuck off because it’s not their business.”

“Arthur.” Merlin detached Arthur’s arms so he could kneel in front of him, and stared at him earnestly. “That’s all very well and good, but be reasonable. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, but it _does_. And in a world where it does, there’s consequences. What if I was fired because someone told my boss I was with you, or what if—”

“Merlin, no.” Arthur shook his head and sighed. “You’re overthinking things again. Nothing like that’s going to happen, no one outside of our family even has to know we’re related.”

Merlin wanted to believe it, but what about his friends? When he introduced his new boyfriend, wouldn’t they say ‘hey, isn’t that your cousin?’ Wouldn’t they give him odd looks and make excuses not to see him anymore?

“We don’t have to tell anyone yet,” Arthur said when Merlin remained silent. He raised his hands to cup Merlin’s face and Merlin had to admit he liked it, the tenderness of the gesture. “We can keep doing what we’ve been doing, just...now we can be as intense as we like. Okay?”

Merlin sighed. Arthur was doing that _face_ again, a variant of the ‘why would you hurt me this way’ face, this time more of the ‘please don’t hurt me’ variety. He supposed it wouldn’t be so bad if they eased their way into things. First from secret cousins with benefits to secret boyfriends, and then maybe not so secret to certain people to see how they reacted.

Finally, Merlin said, “Alright.” Arthur grinned. “And I guess I love you, too.”


	2. Chapter 2

Not much changed after that. Merlin went home that day, had lunch with his mum, said goodbye to her the day after that, then everything went back to normal.

He and Arthur still touched near-constantly. They still laid sprawled over, across, or wrapped in each other when doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes Arthur dragged Merlin with him to the gym, while other times Merlin tried to get Arthur to understand the timelessness of Shakespeare. Occasionally they treated themselves to an expensive dinner. One time they even went to the same club it had all started at and pretended to meet for the first time, from the drunken dancing to the less drunken fucking in the back room.

But the knowledge of what they were to each other now, what it all meant, had made things as intense as Merlin had predicted. Sometimes Merlin would lay with his head in Arthur’s lap, Arthur’s fingers carding through his hair, and felt the most content he’d ever been, like nothing could ever go wrong and he was a fool for not allowing himself this pleasure earlier. And sometimes he’d be at work, minding his own business when suddenly someone would give him a look, a look he wasn’t sure how to decipher, and he’d feel that full-body hot flash take over. Thoughts raced through his head— _Do they know, did they see, did I slip up, can they tell, oh God what am I doing, they’ll think I’m a freak of nature or something..._

They were managing, though. Arthur was handling it far better than Merlin, which Merlin suspected was a confidence thing. Maybe it was that Arthur was older or maybe his personality was just different, but he never seemed to suffer from sudden episodes of fear or worry about what they were doing. He just always seemed happy.

Merlin had to admit he was happy a lot of the time as well. He’d never been in a relationship like the one he had with Arthur. There were things they knew about each other, family anecdotes they could share and memories they could recall that only brought them closer together. In some ways it was like dating a best friend, but in others it was completely different, something entirely new.

Almost like they were soulmates, if such a thing existed. Even if they annoyed each other or had stupid arguments sometimes, they were amazingly compatible.

Why wouldn’t Merlin be happy? The boy he’d looked up to as a child had grown up to be his perfect lover.

“That moment she was mine, mine, fair, perfectly pure and good. I found a thing to do, and her hair in one long yellow strand I wound three times her little throat around, and strangled her. No pain felt she—”

“What?”

“—I am quite sure she felt no pain. As a shut bud that holds a bee, I warily oped her eyelids—”

“Merlin, what are you _reading_ me?”

Merlin lowered the book from his face just enough to peer over the top and into Arthur’s eyes. Arthur was twenty-eight today, leaving Merlin behind at twenty-five in their two year/three year/two year gap dance. Arthur stared down at him, fringe making a shadow fall over Merlin’s face.

“I’m holding a book of poetry, what do you think I’m reading?”

“No idea, I was just listening to your voice,” Arthur confessed. “But then you started talking about strangling…”

“Just keep watching football, love, that’s all you’re good for,” Merlin said, raising a hand to pat Arthur’s cheek. Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin continued. “I warily oped her eyelids. Again laughed the blue eyes without a stain. And I untightened next the tress about her neck, her cheek once more blushed bright beneath my burning kiss—”

A knock on the door interrupted Merlin this time. Merlin sighed and turned the book down before sitting up from Arthur’s lap.

“Merlin.”

Merlin stopped and turned around, halfway to the door.

“You might want to put on trousers first.”

Merlin looked down. “Oh right. And oh look! Some slob left a pair of jeans right in the middle of my living room floor.”

“It’s because I’m psychic, I knew you’d need them for just this moment. Also, you didn’t seem to mind when I was taking them off.”

“I was thinking with my dick when you were taking them off,” Merlin muttered as he bent to pick them up. They were much too big for his thinner frame, but if he held them up he’d be fine. It was only to see who was at the door, anyway.

“Aw, Merlin, it’s just like when we were kids,” Arthur teased from the sofa. “You still get lost in my clothes,” he finished, laughing.

Merlin ignored him, choosing not to rise to the insult. He opened the door instead, interrupting the third series of knocks.

“Oh, Merlin, hi!”

It was Morgana.

Merlin suddenly couldn’t breathe.

“Um. Morgana.”

Behind Merlin, there was the sound of a scuffle, the pounding of feet, and then a door closing. Merlin hoped he wasn’t blushing.

And he suddenly wished he wasn’t wearing Arthur’s trousers.

“I thought you might still live here,” Morgana said, smiling. “I went by Arthur’s but—Oh, there you are, took you long enough.”

The last was said to someone to Morgana’s right, and a few seconds later, Gwaine walked into view.

Merlin’s stomach sank. This was only getting worse.

“Hey, Merlin, lovely to see you again,” Gwaine said, shaking Merlin’s hand.

“Yeah, hi. So you went by Arthur’s but?” Merlin prompted.

“He wasn’t there. I tried calling him but he didn’t answer. I called you as well, but—”

“Sorry, my phone was in another room.”

“Oh, yeah, I figured that was it. Anyway, I thought if I couldn’t get hold of Arthur, I might as well see you while I’m in the city. D’you have any idea where he might be? It’s his birthday, I thought he’d want to celebrate.”

_He does. With me._

“Nope, no idea, sorry.”

Morgana frowned. “Oh well. We were going to go for dinner or something, maybe buy him one of those fancy cakes he likes, but I guess he’s got other plans. Can we come in?”

“Now isn’t exactly a good time...”

“Why not? The last time we saw each other was two months ago at my wedding and we hardly spoke there. Surely whatever you’re doing—”

“No, it’s just—”

“Morgana,” Gwaine cut in, tucking an arm around her with a smile, “give him a few minutes. I mean look at him. Do those look like his trousers? Is the room behind him not littered with clothes?”

Merlin was definitely blushing then.

“We can give him a few minutes to get himself together, can’t we?” Gwaine finished.

Morgana heaved a sigh of exasperation just as Merlin heard his name hissed behind him.

“Merlin!”

Merlin looked over his shoulder. Arthur was sticking his head just barely out of the bedroom door. He beckoned him over with a finger before slipping out of sight.

“Could you just, uh, wait right here?” Merlin said. “Just a second.” He turned on his heel and shuffled to his bedroom.

“It’s Morgana and Gwaine,” he whispered when he’d closed the door behind him.

Arthur had put on a shirt, but was still in only pants from the waist down, probably because Merlin was wearing his jeans.

“I know,” Arthur said, running a hand through his hair. “I think...Maybe we should tell them?”

“Are you mad? That’s your sister out there! We were supposed to start with friends and work our way up to immediate family members!”

“I know, I know, but look at our situation. It’s my birthday, she _is_ my sister, and it’s not fair that I don’t see her.”

Merlin crossed his arms. “You just want that cake, you bloody sweet tooth.”

Arthur shrugged but he was grinning. “That’s just a bonus.”

“Arthur, I don’t know about this. What if—”

“Merlin, seriously, stop with the ‘what ifs.’ It’ll be fine. We can trust her.”

“And Gwaine?”

“Gwaine’s practically a celebrity, I’m sure he’s seen his fair share of scandal.”

Merlin still wasn’t sure, but Arthur knew Morgana best, and if he was comfortable with it then he supposed it wasn’t too bad of a plan.

“If you’re sure,” Merlin said.

“I’m sure. Now take off my trousers so I can go out there fully clothed.”

Merlin sighed and let the jeans drop before stepping out of them. As he walked to his chest of drawers for his own pair, he said, “Let me go out and talk to them first, okay? I think if you just jump out from nowhere it might be a bit of a surprise.”

“Alright.”

Buttoning his jeans, Merlin took a deep breath. He felt a lot better after Arthur kissed him.

He hadn’t quite expected Morgana to wait outside, so he wasn’t too surprised to find her and Gwaine waiting on the sofa in his living room. He shut the bedroom door behind him and cleared his throat.

“Right, so. Morgana. Gwaine,” he began. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“That you have a bottle of lube on your coffee table?” Gwaine said.

“Um. Well, that’s the problem with being gay, you need to have lube everywhere! Just sit down so I can tell you, yeah?”

“We are sitting down, Merlin,” Morgana pointed out.

“Oh. Right.” Merlin walked to the adjacent chair and plopped himself down. “It’s about, er, the bloke in my bedroom.”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow. Morgana snickered.

“My boyfriend,” Merlin continued.

“Oh, you’ve got a boyfriend now? For how long?” Morgana asked.

“Uh...That’s sort of complicated. We’ve only officially started dating about two months ago but we’ve been shagging about a year.”

“Two months ago, eh? Did you get together at our wedding?” Gwaine asked.

“Look, just let me finish. My boyfriend—”

“Do either of us know him?” Morgana interrupted.

“Yes! That’s what I’m trying to say!” Merlin took another deep breath and lowered his eyes at the last second. “You know my boyfriend because he’s—he’s your brother.”

When Merlin dared to look back up, Morgana was staring at him blankly. Merlin wasn’t sure how to take that.

“I don’t have a brother,” Gwaine said.

“I meant Morgana’s.”

Morgana’s brow furrowed. “Merlin...You mean my brother, as in Arthur? As in your—”

“Cousin, yes, I know, but listen—”

Morgana jumped to her feet. “Arthur, get out here!”

Merlin flinched at the volume, and a second later there was the creak of the bedroom door as Arthur opened it. Merlin oscillated between wanting to run and hide behind him or sink further into his chair.

He went with the latter.

“Morgana,” Arthur said.

“What are you—You’ve been fucking Merlin a year?!”

Arthur just nodded.

“But... _why_?”

Arthur furrowed his brow like it should be obvious, which Merlin felt it probably should be as well. “Because I’m attracted to him?” Arthur said.

“But how can you…” She looked between Merlin and Arthur, clearly trying to make sense of it. “It’s _Merlin_!”

“It is.”

Gwaine got up and put his hands on Morgana’s shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. “When people are attracted to each other, they fuck,” he explained.

Merlin groaned into his hand.

“Look, Morgana, I don’t expect you to understand,” Arthur said. “The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re here for my birthday. It’d be great if you could just not tell anyone else.”

There was a stifling silence during which Merlin wanted to disappear, but had to settle for closing his eyes. Halfway through the uncomfortable minute, Gwaine said, “Cousins _are_ able to legally marry, Morgana.”

Morgana sighed. “You know what, let’s just go eat somewhere, I’ll...try to wrap my head around it later.”

“Sounds good to me,” Arthur said.

*

Morgana wouldn’t stop looking at him. And Arthur. Both of them together, really. One couple sat across from the other, saying nothing while they waited for their food to arrive.

“Okay, so, you guys like, kiss and everything?” Morgana said at last.

Merlin sighed and stared at the table. Arthur responded for both of them.

“And everything, yes.”

Morgana put her elbows on the table, fingers pressed to her temples. “I don’t understand.”

Arthur darted a glance at Merlin, but Merlin shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to explain either. Arthur had always been more comfortable with the whole situation anyway. Merlin usually preferred not to dwell too much on it. It made him feel too dirty.

“I’ll just start from the beginning then,” Arthur began. “It was a little over a year ago now. I went out to a club with some mates, got plastered, danced a lot, the usual. And you know how things can get at clubs, sometimes you’ll be dancing and then suddenly you’re dancing _with_ someone. Well, I sort of started dancing with this bloke and didn’t really see him from the front because I was behind him…”

“Let me guess, Merlin was the bloke,” Gwaine cut in. Merlin blushed and sank lower into his seat.

“I didn’t know at the time, though,” Arthur said. “He was...I don’t know. We were both so drunk and he kept grabbing me and touching me until he just pulled my hand and led me into this room.”

“No need to go into details, Arthur,” Merlin mumbled. “Really.”

“Right, well, long story short, we fucked in the dark and it wasn’t ‘til afterwards that we realised who the other was. And then, um.” Arthur shot another look at Merlin before going on. “We just kept doing it.”

Morgana looked between them a few times, brows raised, then said, “I guess it’s _something_ that you didn’t know the first time. But why date each other? I still don’t understand.”

“Because I want to,” Arthur said simply.

Morgana rolled her eyes. “That helps so much, Arthur, thank you.”

Merlin forced himself to speak before he lost his nerve, before he could consider what Morgana would think of him.

“It’s just easy,” he began. “Being with him, that is. We’re different, of course, but we’re...sort of strangely good together. We know all these things about each other and we were already close as kids so it just makes everything kind of easy and perfect.”

With a glance at Arthur, Merlin saw he was biting his cheeks to keep from breaking out in a full smile. He could also see the pleased light in his eyes.

“Of course you know things about each other, he’s your cousin,” Morgana remarked. “That doesn’t mean you fuck him.”

Arthur turned furious. “Fuck you, Morgana.”

“Would you?” she sneered. “You ever look at me when we went swimming and have less than pure thoughts about your little sister? Or maybe you saw me on my wedding day in my low-cut dress and it wasn’t just brotherly affection you felt.”

Merlin knew before she even finished that Arthur would try jumping out of his seat, and put his hand on his shoulder to keep him down. Gwaine turned to Morgana with a soft expression.

“I don’t think that’s entirely fair, babe.”

“Well I wasn’t serious,” Morgana said flippantly, “but that’s how my father’s going to think. He jumps to conclusions, assumes the worst. Arthur ought to be ready for that if this is what he really wants.”

“Father doesn’t have to know until far in the future,” Arthur said. “Trust me, I’ve thought about it, and he’ll be the last to know, preceded only by Aunt Hunith.”

Morgana shrugged. “If you really think you’ll still be with Merlin ‘far in the future.’”

“Don’t see why I wouldn’t be.”

“Anyway, so Merlin!” Gwaine interjected, flashing a bright smile Merlin’s way. Merlin felt pinned to the spot. “You struck me as the shy type, even at the stag do. What’s this about you taking supposedly random blokes into rooms to shag their brains out?”

“Uh…”

“Merlin? Shy?” Arthur scoffed.

“Only when the situation is rather awkward,” Merlin explained. “Like it has been the past two hours…” he finished under his breath.

“Well, let us be awkward no more,” Gwaine proposed. “We’re all family, right? No reason to be so uncomfortable. And er, as long as you don’t try anything on your other cousin, we won’t have a problem.”

“I’m gay. Lube-on-the-coffee-table gay, remember?”

“Right, even better! And oh thank God, the food’s here.”

*

It was still somewhat awkward at first, but as the night went on they seemed to slip easily back into the routine they’d had as kids. Morgana and Arthur took turns talking about themselves, occasionally insulting each other, leaving Merlin to be the mediator. Only now Gwaine helped as well, making Merlin’s job easier by handling Morgana while Merlin handled Arthur.

Merlin talked a bit about himself, of course, though not nearly as much as Gwaine did when it was his turn. There was nothing particularly exciting about Merlin’s dull office job in comparison to Gwaine’s modelling, so he stuck to things he’d been doing in his spare time—besides Arthur.

It didn’t get awkward again until they returned to Merlin’s flat. Merlin had noticed Morgana shooting glances to his and Arthur’s entwined hands as they walked, but had managed not to let it bother him for the most part. Part of him itched to walk a bit further away, but he knew how that’d make Arthur feel. So he indulged in Arthur’s touch despite the prickling feeling Morgana’s gaze gave him.

Then, after they dug into the cake, Arthur thumbed icing from the corner of Merlin’s mouth and licked the digit clean. Arthur had done it and things like it plenty of times before, but now Merlin couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed.

“That’s so disgustingly domestic of you, Arthur,” Morgana said, rolling her eyes.

“Well normally I would’ve kissed it away but I figured you’d prefer—”

“Yeah, alright, point taken.”

“Which reminds me,” Arthur began dramatically as he turned to Merlin. “Merlin, you’re moving in with me.”

Merlin nearly choked on his cake. “I am? Since when?”

“Since it’s my birthday and you can’t say no to me on my birthday.”

“Uh…”

“Also because it’s incredibly stupid for us to each be paying for our own separate places when we both live in the city and spend all our time together anyway.”

“What am I supposed to tell my mum?” Merlin asked. “And what’ll you tell Uther?”

Arthur shrugged. “That we’ve moved in together to start saving money. I doubt they’ll jump to the correct conclusion. That’ll be the furthest thing from their mind.”

“You only have one bedroom,” Morgana pointed out.

“Ha! That means you have to move in here,” Merlin said triumphantly.

Arthur sighed as he looked at his surroundings. “You make a good point, I suppose.”

Merlin was excited about the apparently impending move, but also a bit nervous. What if his mum came to visit and it was obvious only one room had been used? The same worry had plagued the back of Merlin’s mind at the stag do, that someone might come to their hotel room and see only the one bed had been slept in.

Perhaps it really was simply a matter of saying they might as well live together because they were both family living in the city, but anyone who came to see them might be able to tell otherwise.

Merlin tried not to let it trouble him now. As the others went on talking without him, Merlin nibbled his cake and looked at Arthur, his brilliantly amazing cousin who he sometimes felt he loved more than life itself. Sometimes Arthur seemed to glow and Merlin got a little breathless, taking him by surprise nearly every time how much he’d come to cherish him. It made him want to block out the rest of the world and do nothing but live wrapped up in Arthur’s body forever.

“We’re thinking about having a baby,” Morgana said.

That certainly cut through Merlin’s daze.

“Already?” Arthur asked. “Why?”

“Because we want to,” Morgana replied curtly.

“But—”

“I think that’s great, Morgana,” Merlin cut Arthur off. He shot Arthur a look that warned him not to say anything else, which of course made Arthur look away and huff.

“Thank you, Merlin, it’s good to have _someone’s_ support.”

“Anyway, did you get me a gift?” Arthur asked.

“Of course we did. I got you dinner and Gwaine got you this cake.”

Arthur sighed. “You’re a terrible sister.”

“So you’ve said.”

“At least you have a good cousin.” Gwaine remarked, grinning. “I’m sure he’s got a great gift ready for you, don’t you, Merlin?”

Merlin blushed. Again.

*

“Why the fuck would she have a child with that man now of all times?” Arthur yelled after they’d gone.

Merlin sighed. “For the reason she said. She wants to.”

“But he’s nearly always away working and when he is with her he’s not—he’s not father material!”

“Arthur, you hardly know him. He seems like a decent bloke to me. Most of the time.”

“Fine, whatever. It’s her life, it’s not like I care what she does.”

Merlin knew for a fact that wasn’t true. Whenever Arthur made a point of saying he didn’t care about something, it usually meant the opposite. Where his sister was concerned, that was definitely the case. For the most part, they left each other alone, but if one of them was in a bind, they were suddenly there for each other.

It had sometimes made Merlin want a sibling of his own, someone he could have such a bond with. Now it made him a bit jealous.

“Let’s not worry about it,” Merlin said, sliding his arms around Arthur’s waist. He offered up a smile as he pressed their bodies together. “I still haven’t given you my gift yet.”

Arthur did seem to perk up a bit. “What’s your gift?”

“Whatever you want. Within reason, of course.”

Arthur finally grinned. “Hmm…”

“Also keep in mind that it’s getting late and we have to work tomorrow.”

“Alright then. A foot massage.”

Merlin wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “A what?”

“A foot massage. I want you to massage my feet.”

“Are you serious?” Merlin asked, laughing. “ _That’s_ what you want?”

“Well I can have sex with you any time I like, but it’s not every day you give me a foot massage, is it?”

“I guess that’s true…”

“So yes, I’d like a foot massage.”

“I don’t even know how to give one!”

“You’re a quick learner.”

So Merlin ended up giving Arthur a foot massage. He didn’t have any massage oil or special cream, but he did have skin lotion, which seemed to work just as well. He rubbed his thumbs into the soles of Arthur’s feet, starting at the top and working his way down, moving in circles and giving attention to every part.

It was a bit soothing to him as well, in a way, a bit trance-like. He didn’t focus on anything but making sure Arthur felt good, and every quiet sigh of contentment gave Merlin a pleased feeling deep in his chest. Where he’d started out a little embarrassed to be performing such a task, now he found he maybe liked it.

He’d never paid much attention to Arthur’s feet before. The toes were long, and the joints popped when Merlin gave them a little tug before rubbing the spaces between. He had neat, clipped toenails, except on the smallest ones where Merlin couldn’t really make out toenails at all. The sparse scattering of hair across the top of each, the gentle sloping arch of the instep...by the time Merlin moved onto the other foot, he found himself worshipping Arthur’s feet.

Arthur’s feet didn’t smell _too_ bad either, not after Merlin got used to it. The lotion was simple, unscented, and helped to cover most of the stench at first. Now Merlin didn’t smell a thing, even briefly entertained the thought of running his nose up the curved sole before slipping a toe between his lips.

But he didn’t. The lotion may not have had a smell, but it for sure had a taste, and Merlin had a feeling such an act would just go to Arthur’s head. It was best he just stick to a massage.

“This more than makes up for Morgana’s lack of a proper present,” Arthur said hoarsely.

Merlin glanced up and smiled as he worked Arthur’s ankle. “Yeah?”

“Definitely. Have to say, you look great down there.”

“Good to know,” Merlin chuckled.

Alright, maybe he would indulge then. He wouldn’t put his lips around a toe but he could at least drop a small kiss to inside of Arthur’s foot. It just looked so...kissable.

Arthur groaned as soon as Merlin did it, making Merlin look up. He had his head turned with an arm slung over his eyes, one side of his face pressed into the pillow.

He knew Arthur well enough to know that meant he liked it. So he did it again, to the other foot.

Arthur’s leg tensed. Which is when Merlin let his gaze fall to the tent in Arthur’s pants.

“Maybe that’s enough for the feet,” Merlin said. He crawled on the bed and started kissing further up Arthur’s calf, not bothering to restrain himself to lip-kisses but mouthing over skin and light blond hair. “I think they’re certainly relaxed enough.”

Further up and he was nosing under Arthur’s thigh at tongue at the smooth skin underneath, nearly hidden by the fabric of boxers. Even further up and he could smell Arthur’s balls, tantalisingly enough that he pushed his nose right up against them not a second later.

Arthur gasped and his whole body went taut, but still he wouldn’t bring his arm down, hiding his face in the pillow. Merlin moved aside the gap in Arthur’s pants, enough to reach in and pull out the hard cock waiting for him inside.

Even a year after the first time, Merlin still wasn’t one for talking dirty. He always felt a bit stupid doing it, like he was making a fool of himself or trying too hard and doing it wrong. But he knew Arthur liked it—that much was evident right from the start. So Merlin figured maybe, just this once, he’d make the effort, it being Arthur’s birthday and all.

“Love how hard I get you,” Merlin breathed over the stretched skin. He sucked the shaft noisily before licking up to the top. “Love how you taste, how you smell. Fuck, I just love everything about you.”

Arthur’s hips jerked up, his heels digging into the mattress as he moaned. Merlin tightened his hand around the base and stroked a few times.

“What I really love is your cock in my mouth,” Merlin whispered, pressing a kiss to the head. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it in my arse. It’s so thick and you always go so deep and—and _God_ , when you give it to me hard, you have no idea what it does to me, Arthur.”

That was when Arthur moved his arm away, so quickly it was almost like he had to. He curled his fingers in the duvet and finally looked down at Merlin with wide, blown eyes.

“The thing about having you in my mouth, though,” Merlin continued, “is that I can taste you.” He tongued the slit, licking up the bead of precome before bringing it back into his mouth with a seductive curl, savouring it. “And I can’t show you how much I love your cock when it’s fucking me. I can ride it faster or push back into it harder, but I guess this just feels more personal.”

Arthur definitely looked wrecked now, his eyebrows slanting higher with each passing remark. Merlin lowered his eyes to focus and moaned as he greedily sucked the head.

Arthur jerked his hips up again, shoving his cock deeper. Merlin pulled off and pushed himself up on his hands, moving to straddle Arthur’s left leg. He put one palm on Arthur’s chest and the other on Arthur’s hips to force them back down.

“I’ve only just got you all relaxed,” Merlin said, staring into Arthur’s eyes. “So stay down and let me show you how much I love your cock, yeah?”

He didn’t wait for Arthur’s answer. He went straight back to taking Arthur in his mouth, taking him deep, over and over again until he was drooling over it, leaving a sloppy mess that he smoothed in with his hand. He was dimly aware of Arthur panting, a bit more aware of the fingers twisted in his hair, but mostly he was paying attention to worshipping Arthur’s cock the way he’d never let himself before, and to grinding on Arthur’s leg in an attempt to bring himself off at the same time.

He was a bit surprised at how fast Arthur came. Merlin hadn’t even been going a full minute before Arthur tensed and erupted with a drawn out moan. He took in every bitter drop of it, contracting the muscles of his throat to help push it down at the awkward angle.

He pulled off again when Arthur’s body went limp and dropped with a sigh. Wiping his mouth, he looked up at Arthur and grinned. It was a few seconds before Arthur spoke.

“I...feel like I don’t even know you,” he said, blinking.

Merlin laughed. “I can be sexy when I want to, you know. I figured I’d go for it since it’s your birthday and I know how much you like it.” He swung his leg over Arthur’s waist and took his cock out of his pants. “That being said, surely the birthday boy can return the favour. A handjob’ll do, I’m not picky.”

Arthur snorted and lifted a hand, wrapping warm fingers around Merlin. Thankfully he didn’t lose time teasing, just got right into it, giving quick, forceful tugs and thumb-swiping the slit. Merlin let his head fall back and closed his eyes with a sigh as Arthur’s stroked him. He rocked back and forth on Arthur’s chest, rubbing his balls over skin while thrusting into the tight channel of Arthur’s fingers, and when Arthur slid a hand up Merlin’s thigh, squeezing the flesh just below the curve of his arse, Merlin finally finished, spurting over Arthur with a moan.

It was later, after they’d cleaned up and Arthur curled around Merlin, warm under the duvet, that Arthur said into Merlin’s ear, “Told you you were a quick learner. You almost gave a halfway decent foot massage.”

Merlin rolled his eyes in the dark. “Good night, Arthur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin was reading [Porphyria's Lover](http://www.bartleby.com/101/720.html) by Robert Browning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using this chapter for Merlin Writer's November theme, forced proximity.

Sometimes Merlin forgot Arthur was his cousin. Sometimes Arthur was a lover first and a cousin second. Sometimes it was as though Arthur had simply been a childhood friend he’d grown to love as an adult, and all the details of relation blurred away. Sometimes, after so long being wrapped up in each other, it was easy to forget why Merlin had felt wrong in the first place.

Then his mum would ring him, or Morgana would ring Arthur, or he’d contemplate updating his relationship status on Facebook and have to remind himself why that wasn’t a good idea. Everything he’d felt before—the horror, the shame, the disbelief—would come crashing down out of nowhere and he had to calm himself again.

It got easier with time, though. There’d been a brief period of worry when they’d moved in together, and another flare of nerves when they’d had to explain things to Merlin’s friends on his birthday, but now, four months after they’d told Morgana and Gwaine, Merlin found he was finally as comfortable with the situation as Arthur.

It had taken him a bit longer, but he’d got there. Now on the rare occasions he thought about it, he laughed. And all the people who did know either didn’t say anything about it, or didn’t care. It seemed to have become a matter of insignificance, and only the thought that Hunith or Uther would find out was troubling.

But Christmas was fast approaching.

Usually, the tension between both their families being what it was, they celebrated separately. Merlin would go to his mother’s house, where a whole host of her friends also gathered, and helped with the cooking and baking before everyone exchanged gifts. His mother’s Christmas tradition was more community-based than anything, which he just knew was immensely different from his uncle’s.

The two or three times Merlin and his mother had gone to Uther’s for Christmas, it had ended terribly. Merlin had been able to accept Uther’s three ties with a simple smile and a thank you, but Hunith had loudly declared that nobody bought someone ties as a Christmas present, and honestly, Uther should’ve called to at least ask about such a thing before wasting money.

It was even worse when, the second time, Morgana having been nineteen—maybe twenty, possibly eighteen—Uther had instructed her to cook dinner. Hunith had raged on and on about sexism and Uther’s narrow-mindedness. She’d then told Merlin to go help, but of course Merlin hadn’t been living on his own then and therefore had no idea what to do in the kitchen. The whole thing had been a disaster.

Arthur remembered it. He had to, having been there. And yet, when Uther called and wanted to know if Merlin was interested in joining them for their usual Christmas festivities, he didn’t panic nearly as much as Merlin thought acceptable.

“You want Merlin to come for dinner?” Arthur said into the phone two weeks before Christmas. They were both in the bedroom, Arthur sitting on the bed, and Merlin abruptly stopped folding clothes, Arthur’s jeans nearly falling from his hands. The look in his eyes must’ve alerted Arthur to his curiosity, because Arthur switched his mobile to speakerphone without needing to be asked.

“It occurred to me that now you two are living together, it might be rude to exclude him,” Uther was saying. “Morgana also suggested I consider extending the invitation as she claims she missed seeing him at her wedding.”

Arthur scowled, and Merlin, too, felt a burning irritation toward Morgana. What was she trying to pull?

“You do realise that Merlin won’t go unless you invite Aunt Hunith as well?” Arthur replied.

 _Too fucking right, I won’t_ , Merlin thought, nodding approvingly as he went back to folding clothes.

“The thought crossed my mind,” Uther said grudgingly. “But I was hoping that now everyone’s older, things might not be so...confrontational.”

Arthur glanced at Merlin, probably thinking the same thing Merlin was. It wasn’t a good idea, but if they ever wanted there to be some reconciliation between their families, this was the way to do it. If Merlin declined now, pushing away the olive branch offered him, how would that look?

Merlin sighed and gave in with a nod. There was a chance it wouldn’t be so bad as the wedding had been. They’d had to pretend not to be close there, but now there was less to hide.

“Alright. I’ll ask him about it and get back to you,” Arthur said.

“Bye.”

After Arthur hung up, he held his mobile absent-mindedly in his hand, staring down at it with a thoughtful expression. Merlin put down the shirt he’d been folding and walked around the other side of the bed to sit next to him.

“We’ll have to sleep in separate beds again,” he said, letting his leg rest against the warmth of Arthur’s. “Like when we were younger. I’ll be in the guest bedroom and my mum will have the sofa.”

Arthur sighed. “I’m not looking forward to it either.” He raised his eyes to Merlin’s, and after a moment, put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “We’ll get through it.”

“Do you think we’ll have to—”

“No. I’m not ready to tell them either.”

*

Uther’s house was every bit as extravagant as Merlin remembered. The inside was free of any dust, clutter, or signs of life for that matter. It was a museum. It was a place that gave off a sacred feeling, where eternally-clumsy Merlin always felt he couldn’t take a single step without looking around first.

Not wanting to chance being stuck with her brother alone, Hunith had come to Merlin and Arthur’s flat the afternoon they were due to leave, the afternoon of Christmas Eve, and now arrived in a taxi with them. Merlin had worried the moment he’d welcomed her with a hug that she’d be able to see through his and Arthur’s act, but so far she’d said nothing to indicate she knew anything.

Uther, to be fair, put on quite the display of tolerance once the three of them had entered. He smiled and greeted Arthur with a hug, shook Merlin’s hand (even managing to keep eye contact), and gave Hunith a courteous nod of acknowledgement.

“Morgana and Gwaine are already here,” he said. “You can put your gifts under the tree, then leave your bags upstairs. I suppose you remember your old room, Merlin? That is, if Hunith still prefers sleeping downstairs.”

Merlin and his mother nodded.

“Good, good.” There was an awkward pause during which nobody moved, save to shift weight from one foot to the other. “Right then, we’re all in the parlour when you’ve got settled.” With a final nod, he turned on his heel to walk down the corridor.

Merlin was the first to move toward the Christmas tree visible in the living room. “This is going to be a disaster,” he muttered.

Hunith brushed past him, pushing him playfully and looking over her shoulder with a grin. “With that attitude it will.”

*

Merlin had forgotten just how far away Arthur’s room was from his guest bedroom at the other end of the hall. It was separated by a bathroom, _and_ Morgana’s room. To make matters worse, it was much too close to where Uther slept.

“It’s only two days.”

Merlin turned from where he was plugging his mobile charger into the wall and saw Arthur standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. He got to his feet and thought about crossing the room to Arthur, then decided not to. He sat on the bed instead.

“Yeah. Two days,” Merlin said. “Not like a week or anything.”

Arthur nodded, then scanned the room. After a moment, his lips curved in a crooked smile. “Weird seeing you in this room now.”

“I think the last time I was here I wasn’t even at uni yet. Or maybe I’d just started.”

Tentatively, Arthur stepped further into the room. Merlin tracked the movement like a hawk. “It’s been a while, yeah, but I meant it more as...I always thought of this room as where my cousin slept when he came over. And now my boyfriend’s sleeping here. But they’re, y’know, the same person. Just hard to get the images to mesh together, I suppose.”

“Yeah, I can understand that. I’d probably feel the same if we were at my mum’s.”

Looking around the room now, Merlin did start to feel more of Arthur’s described duality. The memories of previous years from this room didn’t seem to fit with the moment. It was almost a bit like walking into a primary school classroom and remembering everything as being much larger.

Suddenly Merlin grinned. “What if I told you I wanked in this room?”

“I’d believe you. I’m pretty sure even I—”

“Hey hey, you two!” A bearded face appeared behind Arthur and an arm slung around his shoulder soon after. It took Merlin a moment to recognise Gwaine with his hair cut short. “Everything alright?”

Merlin got up from the bed and closed his suitcase. “As alright as one might expect,” he replied.

Arthur, who looked uncomfortable under the weight of Gwaine’s arm, politely slid out from under him to stand closer to Merlin.

“Speaking of expecting,” Gwaine said, “Morgana is, er...a bit pregnant. Wanted to let you know before you saw her and might be taken a bit off-guard.”

Unsurprisingly, Arthur didn’t look to be handling as well as Merlin. His expression was somewhere between shock and anger, bewilderment and disappointment. Without thinking, Merlin took hold of Arthur’s hand and spun him away from Gwaine so he could look him in the eye.

“Don’t make a big deal of it,” he said, hopefully too low for Gwaine to hear. “She’s entitled to her own decisions, and you know what she’ll do if she gets angry with either of us.”

At the caress of Merlin’s hand on his, Arthur did seem to calm down a bit. That, and the reminder of what Morgana could use against them.

“Yeah, whatever.” He turned back to Gwaine. “Suppose we should all head downstairs.”

Gwaine stepped out of the doorway and waited for the two of them to catch up. When they reached the top of the stairs, Gwaine cleared his throat and jerked his head toward Merlin and Arthur’s hands.

Merlin hadn’t even realised he was still holding Arthur’s hand until then, and abruptly let it go.

“Merlin!”

It was Morgana who’d exclaimed his name as he and the others entered the living room. She didn’t look too pregnant, the bulge of her stomach not nearly of extraordinary proportions, but it was obvious she was. It was also odd seeing her so...not blown up, but rather a bit swollen. Though it wasn’t the weight that made Merlin’s eyes try to take in everything at once, it was the fact that a person was _growing inside her_. His cousin, who was just a year older than him, was going to be a mother! With a family! She was no longer daring him to lick worms or tugging on his ears or chasing him around. She was sitting on the sofa across the room, smiling and looking utterly... _adult_. He’d never felt so young in comparison to her in his life.

“Uh, hi,” he said, sitting in the space she moved over to offer him. Arthur took a seat in the chair next to where Hunith sat cross-legged on the floor. “How are you?”

“Not bad, thanks. How is it living with Arthur? I imagine it’s a nightmare.”

Yes, such a nightmare to wake up to a blowjob nearly every morning or the feeling of breath on the back of his neck.

Merlin glanced quickly at Arthur then away. However, Morgana was no better a place to rest his eyes considering he could see the smirk beneath her smile.

“Believe it or not, he’s better than the flatmate I used to have,” Merlin said. Now he was determined not to let Morgana have fun mocking him, or at least he’d do his best to show that it didn’t bother him. “He’s a shit cook—”

“Merlin.”

Merlin flinched at the whiplike sound of his name. He hadn’t even seen Uther sitting there, otherwise he would’ve censored his speech. His own mother didn’t care if he swore, especially considering he was older now, but he’d forgotten that Uther forbid it, at least in his home. Something about the language being coarse and plebeian.

“Sorry, Uncle Uther. I meant Arthur can’t cook, so I pretty much do it for the both of us. Same with the laundry, too, actually. But he at least knows how to wash dishes and pick up after himself.”

“Oh, don’t make it sound like it’s such a chore living with me,” Arthur drawled, leaning back and settling into his role of arrogant older cousin. “You forgot to mention that I buy almost all the groceries, clean the bathroom after you’ve left tracks of toothpaste and shaving cream everywhere—”

“You put open bottles back into the fridge!”

“That was one time and it was because I lost the top,” Arthur countered. “And that’s not nearly as bad as leaving crumbs on the table every time you eat. You’re the messiest eater in the world, and _you_ don’t pick up after yourself.”

Morgana interjected before Merlin could retaliate again. “But besides all that, everything’s great, right?”

Merlin edged back into the sofa. “Yeah, besides all that, it’s not bad having him there. And it’s certainly nice having more money now we’re splitting the costs.”

“Enough about Merlin’s boring life,” Hunith said from her spot on the floor. Merlin rolled his eyes. “Have you thought of any names for the baby yet?”

“Gwaine the second,” Gwaine said. Both Merlin and Arthur laughed.

“Um, not that,” Morgana said. “I was thinking Mordred if it’s a boy.”

“And if it’s a girl?” Hunith asked.

“Elaine...or Elena?”

“Those are pretty.”

Morgana smiled. “Thank you, Aunt Hunith.”

Suddenly, Uther rose from his seat and exited the room. It was with such an air of urgency that Merlin saw even Arthur staring wide-eyed after him.

“What—”

“He’s frustrated, that’s all,” Morgana explained in a lower voice.

“About what?” Merlin asked.

Morgana seemed to hesitate, but at last she shrugged, as if she reasoned it would come to light sooner or later. “About Arthur.”

Across the room, Arthur clenched his jaw and glared at the floor.

*

It was dinner that Merlin had been worried about most of all. Gathered in the living room, or passing through each other in the corridor on the way to the loo, there was opportunity to escape. Trapped at the dinner table, forced into each other’s company, there was no getting away. Even after finishing all the food on one’s plate they had to remain seated until Uther, as head of the house, got up first. It had always been that way, since Merlin was a kid.

Morgana had cooked, with Merlin helping her. The cooking had gone better this year, since Merlin had a bit more experience now. There were cooked carrots, mash, roast chicken, bread, and an expensive red wine Gwaine had said his other model friends found delicious. Merlin had even decided on a whim to bake biscuits, hoping to calm Uther’s moodiness.

It hadn’t worked.

“So, Merlin, are you still working at that nonprofit company...whatsitsname?” Uther asked.

Merlin glanced up, stifled a shudder under Uther’s intense gaze, and looked back to his food. “Oh, er, no. That was a temp position. It was mostly answering questions after people got through the automated menus.”

“I hate those things,” Morgana said with a frown. “You can never get a real person when ringing anyone’s office these days.”

“Yes, well, that was me. The bloke at the end of the line. But I’m doing something a bit more boring now, which I’m still not sure is better or worse.”

Uther prodded him. “And that would be?”

“It’s mostly bookkeeping,” Merlin said with a shrug. “Accounting. Pages and pages of numbers. Thousands of spreadsheets, loads of copying. I’ll probably need glasses soon at the rate I’m going.”

At the other end of the table, sitting adjacent Hunith and directly across from Uther, Arthur’s brows came together. Merlin could tell he was fighting a frown, and wanted to tell him that he’d needn’t worry, that he was only exaggerating about the glasses. However, Arthur’s expression smoothed back into carefully maintained neutrality when Uther addressed him.

“I see. And Arthur, how are things with you? Still not seeing anyone, I suppose, otherwise you would’ve mentioned her.”

“I’m alright, thanks,” Arthur said flatly. He seemed unaffected enough, save for the way he’d started cutting his roast chicken a bit violently.

Merlin, sitting across from Morgana, avoided her gaze. Gwaine took a long sip of his wine. Hunith, always one to comfort, put a hand on Arthur’s forearm and spoke gently.

“Plenty of people are aromantic, Arthur. Don’t let your father frighten you into being ashamed of it.”

Arthur froze and looked at her incredulously. “I’m not aromantic…?”

Morgana snorted, and with a look at Gwaine Merlin saw his chest was shaking with silent laughter. He wanted to kick the both of them under the table.

Uther, of course, was far from amused. He was glowering at his sister, and his voice came out as a growl. “Hunith.”

Arthur must have sensed the impending danger, because he said, “Can we please not talk about me? I’d rather not be the subject of everyone’s speculation tonight.”

“And on bloody Christmas Eve, too,” Merlin mumbled.

“If not now, then when?” Uther went blindly on. “You’re almost thirty, Arthur, and what have you done with your life? Still going out to clubs, picking up random women—”

“And men.”

Uther went positively red. “ _How dare you_ ,” he said through clenched teeth. “I thought I told you years ago to get out of that silly phase.”

Merlin looked back and forth between Arthur and his uncle. Arthur had said his father knew about him being bi, but he hadn’t mentioned a thing about Uther’s disapproval.

Arthur shrugged. “I’m sure this silly phase will only last a bit longer, don’t worry.”

“Arthur,” Morgana warned him, shaking her head.

For once, Arthur listened to her, though it might’ve been that he had nothing more to say anyway. He scowled at his plate, but Merlin noticed he was running out of food to stab.

Uther, however, either didn’t know when to stop or just didn’t plan to be deterred. “As I said, you’re almost thirty. If Morgana can settle down and have a family, so can you.”

Arthur—probably wisely—didn’t say anything. Merlin suddenly wished the dinner was over so he could run upstairs with Arthur and claim him and tell him the only family he needed was him.

Merlin was on high alert the rest of the meal, and could feel that everyone else was as well, but thankfully, nothing happened. Uther didn’t even ask to speak with Arthur after having excused everyone.

*

It was strange to be back in the bed from other childhood Christmases. He took up more space than he did before and he no longer lay awake wondering what gifts he might receive.

Now, lying in this bed with the striped blue and white duvet, he thought mainly of Arthur down the hall, how they were so close and yet so far away. He thought of how, even though he took up more space than he had years ago, there was still too much space left. The bed was empty without Arthur; he’d grown so used to sharing that now he felt bereft.

Finally, he got up. He told himself he was going to the bathroom, and _maybe_ he’d check to see if Arthur was sleeping. But as he neared it, Arthur’s bedroom door creaked open, and soon it was the two of them standing in the corridor, staring back at each other’s shadowy figures.

Arthur moved first. He padded silently down the hall to where Merlin stood with a racing heart. Any second, for any reason at all, Uther or Hunith could find them. They could come and see Arthur taking Merlin’s hand and leading him back to the guest bedroom.

Arthur wasn’t wearing a shirt. In the middle of freezing winter, in Uther’s draughty house, he wore only grey joggers, and let his muscled chest remain bare. Despite that, his skin was warm. After both he and Merlin slid back under the duvet, Merlin let his hand rest comfortably on Arthur’s belly, sighing as he lay his head on Arthur’s shoulder. He wondered how Arthur had managed to stay so warm.

“Can’t sleep here, y’know,” Merlin mumbled.

“I know,” Arthur exhaled. But he shifted onto his side to wrap another arm around Merlin, and already his weight seemed to sag under the heaviness of sleep.

“Seriously.” Merlin’s protest sounded weak even to himself, his voice small and noncommittal. Beneath the desire for proximity, however, was the fear of being found in the morning.

“I won’t fall asleep. I’ll have to get up soon anyway. Have to pee too badly.”

Merlin sighed and, reassured, closed his eyes. “Good.”

*

The next time Merlin opened his eyes, the room was bright. He ducked under the covers and buried his face in the pillow to block out the light.

With a pang, he realised Arthur wasn’t there. The sun shining through the striped duvet reminded him where he was and that the bed he was in wasn’t his own.

As much as he longed to leave the room and search out Arthur, the warmth of the bed strongly overpowered the will to get up. He could hear the metallic sounds of dishes downstairs, signalling breakfast, but figured a few more minutes resting his eyes wouldn’t hurt.

A few minutes later (what felt like three but was probably ten), there were heavy footsteps approaching his door. Merlin prepared to be forced out of bed, but pretended to be sleeping, hoping to get a few extra seconds.

The sound of the door shutting closed with a click was his first clue. The shuffling of the duvet and the dip in the bed as a new weight climbed in was his second. As a hand gently took hold of his ankle to open his legs, he was certain it was Arthur come to wake him up the same way he did when they were home.

When Arthur’s palm cupped his soft cock, urging Merlin to part his legs even more, Merlin sighed his name and raised the duvet enough to see Arthur’s face shadowed in the stifled light. “Arthur.”

“I know we shouldn’t—”

“Our parents are downstairs.”

“—but my father’s driving me mad.”

And by “driving me mad,” Arthur obviously meant “making me want to go behind his back and fuck the weird cousin as some kind of petty vengeance.” Merlin weighed the pros and the cons, saw there were more cons than pros, then felt Arthur taking his cock out of his pants and figured if they made it quick they could get away with it. He pulled Arthur further up by the shoulders, Arthur grinning triumphantly.

“Better make it quick,” Merlin said.

Arthur hooked one arm under Merlin’s thigh, and the other he bent at the elbow so he could wrap a hand around. Merlin was already lengthening in Arthur’s stroking hand.

“Think I can do that. I know what you like, after all.”

Lips surrounded the head of Merlin’s cock, and he let his head fall back to the pillow as Arthur started sucking. He knew he’d only just said that they had to be quick, but he was comfortable now and didn’t want Arthur to stop going at it while he relaxed in the warm bed. He let his eyes slide closed as Arthur swirled his tongue around the sensitive tip, lapping up precome.

“Nnngh.”

Arthur’s blowjobs had got more passionate since the night of his birthday. Merlin suspected it was because he wanted to show Merlin how much he loved him and his cock the same way Merlin did. It was funny, in a way, how even that had become a competition in Arthur’s mind.

As long as it meant more enthusiastic, sensual cocksucking, Merlin didn’t mind. Let it be a competition.

Beneath the duvet, Arthur’s head started bobbing up and down faster as he picked up speed. Merlin gasped and reached down to slide his fingers in Arthur’s hair, grabbing hold and curling his fingers to stay anchored. Each breath seemed more desperate, louder than the last, until finally Merlin sealed his lips shut, pursing them in concentration to remain quiet. The thought of someone walking in on them like this was suddenly more terrifying than ever.

Sensing Merlin’s trembling thighs, Arthur’s arm held him tighter, closer, at the same time his right hand began massaging Merlin’s balls. Merlin moaned and lifted his hips. He felt the broad flatness of Arthur’s tongue as Arthur took him deeper, as Merlin’s cock slid toward the back of his throat.

A tilt of Arthur’s head had Merlin hovering near the edge of release. Arthur must’ve felt it in the tautness of his muscles because suddenly he was off Merlin’s cock, out of the dark of the duvet, and moving to sit next to Merlin. Merlin followed his lead and swung a leg up to straddle him before shuffling forward on his knees and slipping his heavy cock back between Arthur’s waiting mouth.

“Fuck, c’mon Arthur, you’re gonna have to take it all, no way am I coming in this bed, think how I’d have to explain the sheet stains to Uncle Uther,” Merlin panted.

Arthur’s eyes closed as he slid his hands up the backs of Merlin’s thighs, Merlin’s hips thrusting to fuck Arthur’s mouth. As he pumped faster, Arthur’s hands gripped tighter, his brow furrowing in concentrated pleasure. It was only after a few more frantic jerks of his hips that Merlin moaned and emptied his load down Arthur’s throat. He panted as Arthur swallowed around him.

Merlin was so worked up that he’d forgotten the cold. Petting Arthur’s hair as he gently kissed the tip of his dick, he raised his other hand and wiped the sweat from Arthur’s forehead. He didn’t need anyone wondering why Arthur had got so sweaty from just going upstairs to wake him. But he himself was starting to shiver, and if he stayed in the bed a second longer he’d start to seriously consider lying down again, this time with Arthur to keep him company.

“Suppose I should get dressed,” he said, pulling up his pants.

Arthur sighed, his hands continuing to caress Merlin’s legs. “Breakfast was rubbish. Aunt Hunith cooked.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, I’m used to her cooking.”

Merlin slid off the bed to rummage through his suitcase. As soon as he’d bent over, he heard Arthur standing up, and wasn’t surprised to feel hands on his hips shortly after, Arthur’s erection pressed against him.

Merlin grunted as he plucked up his clothes and toothbrush. “No time. Go get off in the loo.”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“You know I’m right,” Merlin said, standing upright again. He shook out his jeans and put a leg in. He was about to put in the other when there was a knock on the door and his heart stopped. Arthur’s eyes went wide.

“Uh, hey,” said the voice on the other side. Merlin let out a held breath. It was Gwaine. “Your uncle’s getting a bit restless. By the way, I knew it was a bad idea letting Arthur be the one to get you.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and adjusted his trousers as he went to the door. Merlin had zipped up his jeans by the time Arthur opened it to Gwaine’s amused face.

“He’ll just be a minute,” Arthur said. “Come on, I’ll go back down with you.”

“Er, Arthur,” Merlin called. Arthur turned around. “You might want to brush your hair or something first.”

Arthur ran his fingers through his hair then shoved Gwaine, who’d started snickering. “You idiot, you weren’t even gonna say anything, were you?”

Gwaine raised his palms, then dropped them. “Okay, no, I wasn’t gonna saying anything. Have a sense of humour, willya?”

Arthur glared at him as they left. Putting on his shirt, Merlin thought Arthur should’ve been glad it wasn’t his hard-on Gwaine noticed.

After brushing his teeth and working with his hair to get it to lay flat, Merlin headed downstairs. As he descended, inhaling the scent of breakfast, he thought it smelled decent considering it was his mother’s cooking.

“There you are,” Morgana greeted him in the kitchen. Judging by the look in her eyes, she knew the reason why he was late just as much as Gwaine did.

Merlin smiled sheepishly in his mother’s direction before answering his cousin. “Yeah, had a bit of trouble getting out of bed. Then Arthur came up and said Mum had cooked and I figured I had even more reason to stay.”

“Normally I wouldn’t blame you,” Hunith said, “but I’ve been improving. Have a look at the sausages there.” She pointed toward the plate on the worktop.

Merlin looked at them and gaped. “You mean you made these? They’re not even a little burnt!”

“Told you.”

Merlin took an experimental bite. “Hmm. Not bad.”

“Not so great on the tomatoes, though,” Morgana muttered to Merlin. “Or the toast.”

Merlin chuckled. “Can’t all be winners,” he whispered back.

Uncle Uther entered the kitchen then, and Merlin struggled to keep the smile on his face.

“Good morning, Merlin. Decided to join us at last, I see.”

“Morning. Yeah.”

Merlin could only hold the gaze for so long. He suddenly felt his skin prickling with what he and Arthur had done earlier and worried it was somehow obvious. He got the rest of his breakfast quickly and excused himself to sit at the table in the dining room, stuffing his mouth to show he could in no way engage in conversation.

A moment later, Arthur came to sit with him. Merlin froze at first, then figured it was innocent enough.

He sighed as he took another bite of tomato. Before their friends knew of his and Arthur’s relationship, he’d never been so nervous about them finding out, so critical of what could pass for appropriate or not. Around Uther and Hunith, it was different. He hated having to be under constant watch; it made him all tense and nervous.

“Had to get out of there,” Arthur muttered, exhaling and relaxing his muscles to sit comfortably in the chair, legs extended in front of him. “He wasn’t looking at me, but he looked constipated enough that I knew what he was thinking about.”

“You’d think he’d let up on something like that, given it’s Christmas,” Merlin replied with a mouthful of tomato.

Arthur hitched a brow.

Merlin swallowed. “True, this _is_ your father we’re talking about.”

Groaning, Arthur rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “You’ve no idea how lucky you are to have Aunt Hunith for a mum. My father criticises the way I _breathe_. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d looked at me when I was first born and said, ‘He’s not crying properly.’”

Merlin rolled his eyes at the exaggeration. “It’s just one more day. We’ll be home by tomorrow and then you can go back to ignoring his calls.”

“Yeah.” Arthur’s eyes dragged down Merlin’s body and Merlin tensed. “We can get back to other things, too.”

Merlin looked miserably at his mushrooms. “I just want to be able to _look_ at you without feeling guilty.”

He also wanted to be able to touch him, even if it was the most innocent of touches. For a pair of people who’d spent the last year in near constant contact, it was unbearable, even worse than the stag do.

What made it worse was that Merlin had started to feel more than just guilty, particularly after running into Uther. He’d started to feel wrong again, because he knew what his uncle’s reaction would be once he found out (though at this point Merlin was seriously considering never letting Uther find out). He remembered what had happened not even half an hour ago in the bedroom, what had _been_ shamelessly happening for ages, and his insides started to clench up at the weight of their actions.

He loved Arthur more than anything, and he’d come a long way in accepting it, but here under Uther’s roof he couldn’t help but think, _Oh my God, what are we doing?_

Merlin warily let his eyes drift from his plate up to Arthur’s face. As usual, it helped him from panicking a bit more. How many times had he lain in bed with Arthur and simply stared at his face? The memories of the more passionate moments (Arthur fucking him after the wedding reception, for example) were soon overshadowed by memories of more quiet moments (like Merlin reading to Arthur on his birthday, his head in Arthur’s lap).

A line formed between Arthur’s brow as he seemed on the verge of asking Merlin what was wrong—he could always see when something was troubling him, probably because he was such an open book—but suddenly his expression shifted to one of slight surprise.

Merlin froze as he felt the presence of his mother settle down in the chair next to him. She’d brought her familiar smell into the room with her, and though Merlin usually liked it since it made him feel at home, he found he couldn’t handle it just now.

“Mind if I join you?” she said. Merlin noticed then that she didn’t have a plate of food of her own, and wondered why she’d come to join them in the first place.

“Of course not,” Arthur said. He was giving her his second-best smile, and Merlin wished he had half the social grace Arthur had. “Breakfast was surprisingly delicious, by the way.”

Hunith waved it off. “No need to flatter me, Arthur, I’m hardly worth the effort. I’m not here to talk about my cooking skills anyway.”

“Mum.” Merlin didn’t know what she was going to say, but he had a very bad feeling about it. He picked at his mushrooms on his plate.

Hunith ignored him, directing her attention still only at Arthur. “I love Merlin dearly,” she said, and Merlin decided he definitely didn’t like where this was going. She put an arm over his shoulders. “I worry about him, of course, because he seems to spend his time working at a job he hates and he hasn’t yet found anyone to be with either—”

“Mum!”

“I simply worry that he’s settling for less when he could work hard to get what he wants. I loved his father very much and I hope Merlin can find someone like that someday. But it’s not my place to intervene in his life, so I leave him be.” She removed her arm from Merlin’s shoulder. “Which obviously isn’t your father’s way of doing things.”

Across the table, Arthur shook his head.

“I’m not sure how much good it’ll do, or if you even need to hear what I’ve got to say, but I want to say it anyway,” she continued. She leaned forward and looked at Arthur earnestly. “I’ve always thought of you more like a son than a nephew, Arthur. Perhaps that’s not entirely appropriate to say, but when you were younger especially I felt it was my duty to help you and your sister as much as I could. Uther is so controlling and overbearing—”

“And judgemental, and overprotective,” Arthur added wryly.

“Which is obviously no way to parent a child. I worried about how it would affect your mental stability. I’m glad you were strong enough to get through it.”

Arthur dropped his eyes and shrugged. “I’ve always thought that it was constant berating that _made_ me strong. I know someone weaker would’ve broken down under what my sister and I had to put up with, but we have enough of our father in us that we were able to handle it. Now he’s just annoying and insufferable.”

“That’s good. I’m very proud of the man you’ve turned out to be, Arthur.”

Merlin remembered what she’d said about him at the wedding reception, how he’d come off as rude, and wondered how true her current statement was. He said nothing though, and went back to his breakfast.

“Thank you, Aunt Hunith. If it means anything, I’ve always sort of wished you were my mother. Though that might be because I’ve never had one and you were the closest mother figure.”

Merlin had to admit he was surprised at the level of emotion Arthur was showing. It certainly wasn’t common, especially when he spoke to people who’d only seen his exterior character.

Hunith, however, smiled and grasped Arthur’s hand affectionately in her own. “My point to all this is, the same way I want Merlin to be happy, I want you to be happy. Perhaps Morgana’s gone and raised everybody’s expectations, but I’m not like Uther in that I let it trouble me too much. I simply want you to know that though you may not have your father’s support in what your decisions are, you always have mine. Just as Merlin has mine.”

Arthur’s face was a mixture of emotions, and Merlin saw the exact moment he settled on gratitude. He smiled and said, “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”

“No problem, dear.”

Hunith got up from the table and began to leave. Merlin felt the ability to breathe normally returning just as Arthur suddenly called her back and took the ability away again.

“Hunith, wait.”

She turned around. “Hmm?”

Merlin held his breath. Arthur’s eyes glanced at him and Merlin figured out from that look alone what Arthur was going to say. He shook his head slightly, telling him not to say a word, but Arthur wet his lips in preparation and rushed ahead anyway.

“There is someone I’m seeing.”

Merlin started sweating. He clenched his fork and tried not to give away how much he was inwardly panicking.

Behind Merlin, Hunith said, “Oh?” Merlin knew his mother well enough to know she was quirking a brow, taking an interest in possible gossip.

“Morgana and Gwaine know, and of course Merlin does as well, but I haven’t told my father because...because it’s a man,” Arthur said. “He wouldn’t approve.”

 _I can think of a few other reasons why he wouldn’t fucking approve,_ Merlin thought dryly.

“Oh,” Hunith replied, her voice full of pity.

“I’m only telling you because I don’t want you to worry,” Arthur said. “But I’m happy with him. Very happy.”

“That’s wonderful, Arthur. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Uther. But I do think, if you’re serious about this person, you should considering telling him soon.”

“I know.”

“Good, good. I hope to meet him when you’re both ready.”

“Uh, yeah. We’ll see, I guess.”

Even after Hunith left Merlin was still sweating, his heart still racing. He couldn’t believe Arthur had just done that, and without even asking his permission first. If he felt dirty doing what they’d had under Uther’s roof before, he felt positively grotesque now.

“Merlin—”

Merlin stood, his chair screeching across the floor, and left as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to hear what Arthur had to say. He didn’t want to get into an argument on Christmas of all days. But he did need a bit of space to deal with what had just happened, what Arthur had just revealed without consulting him, otherwise there might really be an argument.

Perhaps the most ironic thing was, it wasn’t that Merlin was particularly upset that Arthur had told her, though that was a large part of it. He was most upset that she thought Arthur belonged to someone else, when in fact Arthur was his.

*

There was only so much distance Merlin could put between them for the rest of the day. Merlin helped with dinner again and therefore spent most of the time in the kitchen with Morgana while Arthur and everyone else steered clear, but it was just a matter of time before they all had to gather round the table to eat.

At least Arthur seemed to be taking the opportunity to bond with Gwaine. There’d been one moment when Merlin heard Arthur’s hearty laughter coming from the living room, and had looked, startled, toward the sound. He’d wondered what Gwaine had said to get such a reaction and found himself longing to be in on it despite the fact that he was still a bit upset.

“Everything okay, Merlin?” Morgana had asked.

Merlin had sighed and checked on the turkey one more time. “Yeah, fine.”

“I meant between the two of you.”

“Yeah, fine.”

Now, with a plate of roast potatoes in his hands as he helped bring the food to the table, it wasn’t just a glimpse of Arthur he saw. It was a long, measured look that Arthur was pinning him with, half apologetic and half upset himself. It was obvious he wanted to get Merlin alone to speak with him, and at this point, on the day when they were meant to be jolly and in good spirits anyway, Merlin was about ready for the same. He decided he’d be nice and show Arthur he was on his way to being over it by taking a seat next to him.

“The food smells edible,” Arthur said.

Merlin snorted, but couldn’t smiling a little. “Shut up.” He reached for the cranberry sauce and started serving himself.

“Mmm, I’m surprised at how well you cut the turkey, Merlin,” Uther said between bites a moment later.

Merlin was so used to his uncle’s subtle insults that it hardly fazed him by this point, though he knew Arthur had tensed a bit at his side. He simply smiled politely and said, “Thank you.”

“Not the best, but better than previous years, that’s for certain.”

Merlin stifled a sigh that time, and chose to just nod dumbly. Thankfully, Gwaine piped up to preemptively avoid any awkwardness.

“Oh, that reminds me of this one time, after a Berlin shoot a few years ago, a bunch of us went to a pub on Christmas Eve…”

Under the table, Arthur bumped Merlin’s knee. Merlin looked over, mouth full of potato, and saw the lit screen of Arthur’s mobile hidden from everyone else’s view. Arthur had opened a blank text message and typed in the textbox, the message unsent.

_< i told her on a whim. i’m sorry. i was tired of them thinking i’m some loveless loser. i wanted at least one of them to know i have someone who makes me happy.  >_

Merlin swallowed his food and glanced around the table. Gwaine was still happily rambling on, and everyone was paying various degrees of attention. Merlin pushed down the rising feeling of wrongness.

“Okay,” Merlin replied quietly. He wanted to say more, namely that he understood and it made sense, but that he was still a little irritated that the “whim” had happened it all. He put it off for another time.

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Arthur deleting what he’d typed and thumbing something else onto the screen.

_< i love you  >_

Merlin bit back a smile. Under the table, he found Arthur’s fingers and entwined them in his own, squeezing despite the dirty feeling that had returned full force. Arthur squeezed back and pressed their legs more firmly together.

“Arthur.”

At the sound of Uther’s voice, Merlin snatched his hand away as if burnt. His stomach plummeted and he worried their actions were written over both their faces.

“Put your mobile away, we’re having dinner.”

“Sorry, Father, just showing Merlin something.”

Across the table, Morgana was smirking just the tiniest bit. Gwaine looked back and forth between them before launching back into his tale of previous Christmases spent with adventurous model types. Merlin tried to clear his head of the current moment and focus on the purity of his and Arthur’s relationship when they were at home.

*

Merlin didn’t know what to expect as far as gifts went. He was pretty sure Uther had gotten him some sort of men’s shaving set, and from his mother he could always expect a nice selection of exotic teas to try out. He was also a little worried about whether or not Arthur would like what he got _him_.

Uther always started off first, of course. He picked up the gift addressed to him from Gwaine and removed the wrapping with precision.

It was a shirt, a clearly expensive button-down made of a deep red fabric, nearly burgundy. Merlin noticed right away it contrasted nicely against Uther’s skin.

“You’re a man of good style and taste, aren’t you, Uther?” Gwaine said. “A man like you dresses to impress, eh?”

“Yes, thank you, Gwaine, it’s quite nice.” Uther folded the shirt and put it gently back into the box. Across the room, Morgana was whispering in Gwaine’s ear, probably reassuring him that the reaction meant that Uther did, in fact, like his present.

Arthur went next, reaching under the tree for the biggest box with his name on it. It was from Morgana. Arthur shook it, putting his ear to it. Whatever was inside moved around quite a bit.

“Don’t shake it or you’ll break it, dumbarse!” Morgana yelled, earning a glare from Uther for her language.

Arthur rolled his eyes and tore off the wrapping paper. It was in a plain white box that gave nothing away.

“You’ve put a smaller box inside just like last year, haven’t you?”

Morgana’s grin was answer enough, but Arthur confirmed it the second he opened the outer layer. He opened the second box inside with a sigh.

It was a pair of diamond shaped whiskey glasses. Arthur held them up appreciatively.

“Not bad.”

It was Merlin’s turn next. He got a cooking apron from his mum, the pattern on it a series of broad, bright, horizontal rainbow stripes. He burst into loud laughter and put it over his head right away, tying the strings around the back.

“I love it, Mum, thank you,” he said between chuckles. “Don we now our gay apparel and all that.”

Hunith cackled, her cheeks rosy with mirth. “Those were my thoughts exactly! I knew you’d like it.”

They went around the circle once more before Arthur finally opened Merlin’s gift. Merlin waited anxiously, playing with the hem of his rainbow apron as Arthur ripped away the paper.

“Oh my God, these are amazing,” Arthur gasped. He pulled out the shoes, a pair of custom designed Converse high-tops, and smiled. “You went online and had them made, yeah?” he asked, turning to Merlin.

Merlin nodded. He glanced around at everyone else, hoping it wasn’t too much or would give away the depth of their relationship. What was worse, Arthur looked about ready to hug Merlin in front of all of them.

“These are really nice,” he said. “Wow, and my name is printed on the back and everything. Thank you, Merlin,” he finished with a broad smile.

Merlin exhaled in relief. “You’re welcome. You needed new shoes anyway…” He was almost certain he was blushing, and cleared his throat as he reached for his next gift.

It was, as fate would have it, Arthur’s. He knew right away it was a book, judging by the shape and feel of it, a paperback it seemed. An envelope was secured to the front with a ribbon, so Merlin opened it first. Inside was a gift card to his favourite book shop.

“You can probably tell already it’s a book. That’s so you can buy more. I figured you’d prefer picking them out yourself,” Arthur explained.

Merlin nodded, his mind already going down his list of books to buy, and took the wrapping paper off the book. He was curious to see what book Arthur had got him.

_Petals on the Wind._

Merlin’s breath caught in his throat. He looked up at Arthur, who seemed the slightest bit uncomfortable but trying to hide it.

“I, er, know you were reading _Flowers in the Attic_ , so that’s, you know, the sequel, I guess,” Arthur said.

Thankfully, Morgana was the only one to snicker. Merlin liked the gift, he really liked it, mostly because he was pleasantly surprised Arthur had paid attention to what he was reading. But he was also a little embarrassed, because, well, Arthur had paid attention to what he was _reading,_ and knew he was reading about incest. However, if Merlin had been on the way to forgiving Arthur before, he was now way past it. He was just thankful nobody else in the room seemed to know what the book was about.

They finished with Hunith, whose gift from Arthur was a solar-powered battery charger. They moved on to stockings then, and Merlin wasn’t surprised to get velcro handcuffs from Gwaine. Gwaine shot him a wink as he shoved them into a box to hide them among his other gifts.

Arthur had earned himself a slap to the back of the head for getting Morgana an eyemask that said “The Bitch Is Sleeping,” and Morgana had gotten her hair pulled for getting Arthur a mug that said “I’m a Twat” on the underside. Merlin, standing and watching the exchange with his mother, had simply shaken his head and chuckled.

*

They stayed up long into the night, though of course not too long, because Uther could only keep his eyes open until about midnight. They sat up drinking wine, Merlin taking the smallest sips possible, and Morgana taking hardly any due to being pregnant. They listened to Gwaine tell more stories, stories that were much more entertaining while intoxicated. Merlin had never seen his uncle laugh so heartily so much.

When Uther started drifting off is when Morgana went round to help him up and suggest they head to bed. Gwaine went to Uther’s other side and insisted she let him aid him, what with her state. They all said their goodnights and went to their separate rooms, Hunith remaining downstairs to sleep on the sofa as she had the previous night.

“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly on the stairs while Gwaine and Uther walked ahead of them. He didn’t need to continue before Arthur nodded.

“I’ll be there in a bit,” Arthur whispered back. “Keep the door open.”

Merlin lay in bed, trying not to anxiously watch the door or listen out for Arthur’s footsteps. He wasn’t even remotely tired yet, and kept daydreaming about Arthur’s skin next to his, when the moment would finally come. He was hard the whole time he waited, and rubbed himself through his pants whenever the temptation was too much.

It was all he could do to keep himself from grabbing Arthur desperately when Arthur finally slinked through the doorway and shut the door softly behind him.

Arthur exhaled in relief just as Merlin did when they were finally together again. Merlin was glad to note that Arthur was just as shirtless as last night.

“I really am sorry about this morning,” Arthur said, laying a hand on Merlin’s hip.

Merlin ignored him for now and lunged forward, claiming a kiss. It’d been too long since he’d had those lips against his and he wasn’t going to wait another second. He raised his leg, shifted the duvet a bit, and moved until he was straddling Arthur properly, not once letting his mouth leave Arthur’s.

With positioning out of the way, Merlin could finally work some tongue in. He rolled his hips and did just that, slid his tongue forward to taste Arthur from the inside. Arthur met him eagerly, and his hands squeezed Merlin’s arse, pulling Merlin down to grind against him. Merlin moaned appreciatively and swirled his tongue around Arthur’s, mirroring the movement of his hips.

“Don’t worry about this morning,” Merlin whispered into the hollow of Arthur’s neck. “You can always apologise with sexual favours.”

Arthur chuckled. “Oh?”

Merlin licked a stripe up Arthur’s throat to the base of his ear. “Like letting me eat out your arse.”

Underneath Merlin, Arthur tensed up, his hands gripping Merlin’s arse forcefully, desperately. Merlin thought he’d feel dirty again, doing this, wanting it so much, but by now he was at the point where the wrongness just felt a part of him. He imagined he was swimming in wrongness by now, bathing in it until it was embedded in his skin. He supposed he might as well give in.

“Would you like that? Want me to eat you out with your daddy just down the hall?”

Merlin didn’t know where he’d got the nerve, but he knew that he wanted Arthur more than anything. He was about ready to tear the joggers from Arthur’s body and shove Arthur’s cock in his mouth. He wanted to fuck Arthur senseless and have him moaning into a pillow. He was so hard, so ready to reach his climax that he was humping Arthur like a randy teenage boy.

Arthur rolled Merlin over, pushing him off so he could slide out of his sleeping trousers. Merlin tore off his shirt and threw it across the room; that was all he could manage before Arthur had turned on his stomach and pushed his arse in the air, open and inviting.

Merlin lunged forward hungrily, latching his hands onto the sides of Arthur’s hips before grabbing hold of his arse and spreading the cheeks further apart. With a moan, Arthur pushed back, and Merlin gifted him the wet warmth of his tongue, opening his mouth as wide as he could. He lapped up the taste of Arthur’s hole, encircled it with languid twirling motions of his tongue, and sucked the puckered bud hard enough to elicit a smacking noise. When he lowered his thumbs into the cleft, opening Arthur wider so he could shove his tongue farther in, Arthur gasped sharply and clenched his fists in the sheets.

Merlin’s face felt a mess, but it was a glorious mess, a wet, sloppy, mess that he wanted to kiss Arthur with. He buried his face deeper in Arthur’s arse instead, licking all over until it glistened. At the sweaty smell of Arthur’s hanging balls, Merlin ventured lower, licking those, too and making Arthur moan again, this time accentuated with a “Fuck, Merlin.”

Merlin sucked his finger and ran it over Arthur’s entrance just long enough before pushing slowly in. Arthur’s knees shifted further apart to accommodate and Merlin kissed a cheek rewardingly. Arthur was already nice and wet, nice and relaxed, but Merlin quickly went to find his wallet where he kept a packet of lube. He took his pants off on the way back to the bed and fisted his straining cock, getting it slick.

Arthur groaned into the pillow at the first slow slide of Merlin entering him. Merlin pushed in just enough to get past the ring of muscle before pulling completely out again. He held the base of his cock and took a few deep breaths, edging himself away from immediate release.

He slid in again, slowly, easily, straight to the root. Beneath him, Arthur was panting and quivering. The moonlight falling on his muscled back made the sweat between his shoulder blades glisten.

“Alright, Arthur?” Merlin whispered, leaning forward.

“Yeah,” Arthur gasped out. “Fuck me.”

It was a slow pace Merlin started with, though he wanted to race to the finish. He kept his hips straight, his own arse tensed for the most part, and held Arthur firmly, guiding him onto his cock again and again. He watched himself repeatedly disappearing inside for a bit, then closed his eyes and just _felt_.

He was able to forget where they were until Arthur took it upon himself to pick up speed. Then the slap of flesh and the bang of the headboard had his heart hammering in his chest at the possibility of getting caught.

“Wait,” Merlin hissed, and Arthur instantly stopped. Merlin shuffled forward on his knees, and had to curl his fingers over the headboard to put them between it and the wall. He spread his hands further apart for more leverage and this time when he started thrusting, snapping his hips hard and giving it to Arthur the way he wanted it, the flat edge of his knuckles muffled the sound of the wood. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing, the groaning of the joints in the bed, and the wet sound of Merlin’s lubed cock plunging into Arthur’s hole.

Ignoring the ache of his fingers, Merlin felt immensely better after the events of the day, albeit dirtier than ever. He knew he could get a bit jealous, but never had his possessiveness reached this height before. He simultaneously wished and dreaded for the whole house to know Arthur was his, that he was Arthur’s, and fucked him that way, greedy and determined. When he leaned forward to whisper in Arthur’s ear, he was long past trying to rein himself in.

“I want you to quit caring about what your father thinks, d’you hear me? So what if he disapproves of you? So what if he thinks you’re wasting your life? Whatever you do, he’ll never be satisfied so stop trying to please him.”

“Merlin, would you shut—Oh, fuck—”

Merlin gave another sudden thrust that made even him moan with how deep it went. “I’m all the family you need, aren’t I, Arthur?” he continued breathlessly. “What other family will love you like I do, fuck you like I do?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re all I need, nnnngh, _God_ , Merlin...” Arthur’s voice trailed off and was quickly overtaken by panting again. Merlin was nearly there, could feel his orgasm building in his groin, and started pistoning into Arthur as fast as his hips would go. Arthur’s fists clenched the pillows by his head, and with the way his moans were muffled, Merlin was sure Arthur was biting into one as well.

“Ah, ah, ahhhh.”

Merlin felt warmth wash through him as he finished inside Arthur. He took his hands from between the headboard and the wall and put them down next to Arthur’s on the bed, gasping for breath into the back of Arthur’s neck. When he pulled out and rolled onto his back, kicking the covers away to cool off, Arthur pushed himself up onto his side and rubbed his come into the sheet.

“Past the point of caring, honestly,” Arthur murmured at Merlin’s curious look. Merlin shrugged. He doubted Uther changed the bedding himself anyway.

Arthur reached behind himself, and Merlin had an idea of what he was doing. It wasn’t anything new, after all, so he wasn’t surprised when Arthur’s hand reappeared, two of his fingertips covered with Merlin’s spunk.

“Want it?” Arthur asked.

Merlin leaned forward and took the digits into his mouth. It was still warm; bitter, but good. After sucking Arthur’s fingers clean, Merlin motioned for Arthur to turn over so he could have more.

“Be quick,” Arthur said, yawning as he spread his legs for Merlin to lay between them. “‘M getting tired.”

Merlin licked his lips and went to work, thinking it wasn’t such a bad Christmas after all.

*

They left Boxing Day because Uther “had things to take care of.” Apparently that was fine with Morgana and Gwaine because they “had other friends to meet up with.” Merlin, for one, felt he and Arthur couldn’t get home fast enough.

Uther wasn’t one for dragging out goodbyes, but Hunith was, and it was nearly impossible for Merlin to get her arms from around his neck. By the time they left, Merlin’s face was red from kisses and lack of oxygen.

“Think about what I told you, son,” Uther had said as a final farewell.

Arthur had nodded, but behind the polite smile, Merlin knew Arthur was remembering their night in the guest bedroom. “Yes, Father,” he’d said.

The drive in the taxi back to their flat was freeing, the restraints of the “cousin” label being shed with each passing mile. Merlin wanted to start reading _Petals on the Wind_ right away, even though he wasn’t quite finished _Flowers in the Attic_. He kept himself from cracking into it by playing games on his mobile. Arthur’s arm remained around him the whole time, and Merlin even indulged himself by letting his head rest on Arthur’s shoulder.

The closer to home they got, the better Merlin felt. He knew Arthur felt the same when Arthur’s head came to rest on top of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Arthur's shoes](http://i.imgur.com/eSDQl7U.png) (designed by yours truly~)


	4. Chapter 4

It was a day nearly two months later when Merlin stormed into his and Arthur’s flat, his body heavy with weariness after the day at work he’d just had. He was exhausted more emotionally than physically. He wasn’t a machine; he couldn’t run errands for everybody and have them all be done with maximum amount of effort. He’d been working his arse off and the people above him didn’t seem aware of his dedication at all.

“Arthur!” Merlin called, shutting the door behind him.

Arthur appeared quicker than normal, probably due to the strained, needy tone that had slipped into Merlin’s voice. He barrelled into the living room from the bedroom looking ready to do anything Merlin asked.

Merlin noticed he wasn’t wearing trousers; just a shirt and his striped pants. Good.

“What’s wrong, what’s going on?”

Merlin shrugged out of his coat, threw it over the sofa, and stalked toward Arthur. As soon as he was near enough, he dropped to his knees and slid his hands up the back of Arthur’s thighs.

Looking up at Arthur with parted lips, he said, “I need your cock in my mouth. Okay?”

Arthur looked understandably confused. “Why? Not that I’m complaining, but you’ve never exactly come home and insisted on sucking me off before.”

Merlin sighed and lowered his eyes as he pressed a cheek to the top of Arthur’s thigh. He could smell Arthur’s groin from this close. Already he felt more relaxed.

“Shit day at work. Want to feel better.”

A hand came down softly on the back of Merlin’s head, stroking his hair. Merlin wound his arms more tightly around Arthur’s thighs and pushed his nose to the crotch of Arthur’s pants.

“And now sucking cock makes you feel better?” Arthur asked, half teasing.

“I wouldn’t expect a bisexual to understand,” Merlin teased lightly back. “Full on fairies like me get special health benefits from swallowing semen, didn’t you know that?”

“Do they now?” Arthur asked, laughing loudly.

“Of course they do. Will you help me or not?”

Judging from the way Arthur’s cock had started to harden, he _could_ help. Merlin looked up at him, blinking slowly, and put his mouth over the growing bulge in the fabric.

“I still don’t understand what’s going on, but alright,” Arthur said, spreading his feet further apart.

“Not here. I plan on enjoying this, and you’ll get tired of standing. Sit on the sofa.”

As they relocated to the sofa, Arthur grumbled, “Sometimes I think you do this more because you just love cock in general and not because you love me.”

Merlin chuckled as he settled on his knees between Arthur’s legs. Running his hands up Arthur’s thighs, he leaned in close and inhaled deeply the smell of Arthur’s groin again.

“Let’s just say you don’t wanna know how much cock I sucked before I settled down with this one,” he said cheekily, pulling Arthur’s free. He was only teasing really; there’d been a lot of anonymous encounters, some of them not as safe as they could have been, and all of them probably an attempt to offset the monotony of his life, but he’d never considered himself promiscuous or easy. He knew, however, that Arthur wouldn’t see it that way, not when the number of partners they’d each had was so uneven.

“Yes, and all of the ones before this one better hope they don’t find themselves suddenly cut off from their owners,” Arthur quipped, grabbing holding of Merlin’s hair.

Merlin snorted softly, but he was too occupied with Arthur’s dick to pay Arthur’s words much mind. He puckered his lips over the swollen shaft and placed a wet kiss to the side, slowly working his way up to the tip. He only gave it the briefest of sucks before going back down the other side, this time laving it with the broad flat of his tongue.

“Mmmm.” Arthur’s legs relaxed and he slid forward a bit, crossing his ankles behind Merlin’s thighs. With a quick glance up, Merlin saw he’d tilted his head back.

Merlin tilted his own head, angling his neck to better get at the base of Arthur’s cock and drag his tongue up. It was getting so perfectly wet with each pass over, and Merlin finally gave in and swirled the tip of his tongue around the head a few times before sinking down.

Arthur’s breath hitched and his fingers on the back of Merlin’s neck tensed. Merlin took him as far as he could, then pulled back to suck the head a bit more, licking up the precome before going back down.

He settled into a rhythm, shaped his mouth to perfectly fit around Arthur and enjoyed the simple in and out of it. And when he needed a bit more, he pulled off and pressed his cheek to it, let a trail of sticky precome mark his skin. If Arthur hadn’t kept his pants on, leaving his balls tucked inside his boxers, Merlin would’ve gotten at those, too.

It was nice to focus on just this hot flesh between his lover’s legs. Nothing was more soothing—Arthur’s gentle strokes which could suddenly turn into desperate clutching, his sighs and moans that caressed Merlin as effectively as his hands did. Not to mention the fact that Merlin just loved having Arthur in his mouth full stop. It was exactly what Merlin needed after the day he’d had.

He had to have been at it for at least fifteen minutes when he finally decided to let Arthur come. He stroked Arthur’s cock quickly, smearing the wet saliva evenly over the flushed skin, then settled his hands on Arthur’s thighs and slid the cock back between his lips, bobbing up and down on it. Attuned to Merlin as always, Arthur placed both hands on the back of Merlin’s head and jerked his hips up, matching Merlin’s pace and fucking his mouth hard enough to push Merlin’s nose into the tuft of blond curls. He was panting from the effort, was as breathless as Merlin was, and his thigh muscles had tightened to the point of firmness. When he finally came, shooting thick ropes of it down Merlin’s throat, his arms wrapped around Merlin’s head like a vice, holding him, cradling him in place. Merlin swallowed, feeling too out of breath to do so but not wanting a drop to be lost.

When Arthur’s arms unwound and he sat back, Merlin pulled off slowly, a string of spit dripping from his bottom lip. He wiped his mouth and swallowed a few more times while Arthur chuckled breathlessly and attended to himself.

“Feel better?” he asked.

Merlin nodded. “Much better. Thanks.”

“Any time. Wanna tell me what happened?”

Merlin stood up, his knees aching from kneeling so long, and carefully draped himself over Arthur’s lap, his butt right on the warm outside of Arthur’s left thigh. The position was a bit childish, and it did actually remind him of one time when Arthur had held him when he was much younger, maybe nine years old, after he’d had a nightmare. It was much more different now though, being in the arms of a lover and not those of a cousin simply trying to comfort him.

“Just a bit of a stressful day at work. Needed to unwind.” He leaned forward, tilting his chin up for a kiss, and wasn’t disappointed when Arthur met him halfway, kissing him softly.

“Why don’t you work somewhere else?”

Merlin shrugged. “Mostly because I have no idea what I’d do. I used to want to be a librarian—”

“Of course, you’re such a nerd,” Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

Merlin swatted him. “Shut up. I loved libraries as a kid.”

“I know. Aunt Hunith took us to one once and you ran up and down the aisles.”

“I did have a few friends, but I’ve always loved books more.” Merlin sighed wistfully. “If my life consisted of just reading and fucking, I’d have no problem with that.”

“No eating?”

“Of course all you think about is food.”

“Well, I’m hungry.”

“I’m a bit peckish, too. Any ideas for dinner?”

“We’re not done talking about you.”

Merlin groaned and dropped his head on Arthur’s shoulder. Then, because it was so warm, he pressed the side of his face to it.

“I dunno… Librarians were always nice to me, and I loved talking about books with them. I guess I just thought that one day I’d like to be there for other kids the same way they were there for me. But they don’t make very much money, do they? At least that was part of my reason when I stopped pursuing it in uni. I even took a few courses in librarianship, then got anxious about the future and thought I was making a mistake. So I went into business and management instead. Which I hate. With a passion. I still somehow found a way to squeeze in some literature courses, though, so it wasn’t all bad.”

Merlin didn’t want to talk about all this stuff. Talking about it was boring and depressing, and he hated lingering in the past. There was a reason why it hadn’t come up between them before. He hopped up from Arthur’s lap and started for the bedroom to change out of his clothes.

“Think about what you want for dinner, okay?” he threw over his shoulder.

*

About two weeks later was the worst possible time for Merlin’s mum to show up announced. He was quite literally in the middle of riding Arthur on the sofa when the knock at the door interrupted them.

“Fuck, Merlin, s-slow down or I’m gonna come,” Arthur panted. His hands gripped Merlin’s hips hard enough for the nails to dig in, and Merlin, growling, moved them to his arse, forcing Arthur to anchor them there instead.

Merlin did reluctantly slow down, though. He let his thigh muscles relax, let his legs splay out a big more and started rolling his hips languidly. When he reached up to bracket Arthur’s face and pull him forward for a kiss, his cock brushed against Arthur’s stomach and he moaned.

“Better?” he asked hoarsely.

Arthur looked down, biting his lip and still squeezing Merlin’s arse. “Hardly. Now you look so sexy I’m going to come anyway.”

A shiver of pleasure shot through Merlin, and he tensed all over. Arthur had called him many things—idiot, annoying, hot, nerd, amazing, funny. Rarely had he called him sexy. It made him feel something he couldn’t exactly describe… Mostly it made him want to be even more sexy for Arthur. It made him want to take Arthur’s cock so hard and fast that his arse would be aching for days afterward.

“In that case, fuck it,” he said. He launched back into his earlier pace, bouncing on Arthur’s cock as fast as he was able. Arthur’s head fell back and he groaned.

They were both panting so hard, Merlin thought the knock on the door was his imagination. The second round of knocking he heard for sure, but was so close to finishing that he didn’t care who it was; they could come back later, and he wasn’t expecting anyone anyway. Merlin was, in fact, in the middle of coming over Arthur’s chest when he heard his mother’s voice.

“Merlin?” she screeched through the door. “Arthur? Anyone there? It’s me, Hunith.”

“Oh, shit,” Merlin hissed. He lifted himself up, wincing at the abrupt exit of Arthur’s cock, and scrambled for clothes. He started panicking when he couldn’t tell which were his and which were Arthur’s.

Arthur’s hand on the small of his back grounded him. He stood up straight and took a deep breath while Arthur bent down and sorted through the clothes.

Merlin’s mobile started ringing in the bedroom. He ran for it, trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Hello?”

“Merlin? I’m outside your flat. Are you or Arthur home?”

“Oh, um, yeah, sorry. We were in the sho—I mean, I was in the shower.” Then he realised how much he’d been sweating just now and how much he reeked of exertion. “I mean, I was in the bathroom about to shower and didn’t hear you. Arthur is...sleeping.”

Arthur came into the bedroom and handed Merlin’s clothes to him. Merlin apologised with his eyes when he saw Arthur had put on his pants but still had an erection tenting them. Arthur shrugged and they began dressing while Hunith chattered away on the phone.

“Sorry I didn’t ring to tell you I was coming. There’s a convention I’m going to in the city and I was about to go to a hotel but then I thought remembered I had a son I can stay with! And now here I am! I hope it’s alright if I steal your sofa for a few days.”

Arthur was styling Merlin’s hair back into some semblance of normal when Merlin replied, “It’s not a problem at all. What’s the convention for?” Yes, that was good; it would keep her talking and she wouldn’t realise they hadn’t come to the door yet.

“Oh, it’s just… A, er… How can I put this…You know Sherlock?”

Merlin rushed to the bathroom and hastily sprayed himself, then Arthur, with body spray, masking their odours.

“Sherlock? Like the show? Yes, I’m aware of Sherlock, though I haven’t kept up with it recently. It’s a convention for that?”

“It’s for a lot of things, but that’s what I’m going for, yes. And don’t worry, I’ll be out most of the time. I’m meeting a few fandom friends and we’ve made plans.”

“Oh, um, okay. Hang on and I’ll open the door for you.”

He ended the call and motioned for Arthur to stay put while he went back through the living room to the door. When he opened it he saw his mum standing there with a suitcase and a travel bag, smiling at him.

“Merlin, my gorgeous boy! You’re all flushed!” she exclaimed, coming in. “Where’s Arthur? Oh, that’s right you said he was sleeping. Well, wake him up and tell him his aunt’s here. It’s not often I visit, and he can sleep when he’s dead.”

“Right, okay, I’ll just…”

His heart stopped after two strides toward his room. The door to the other bedroom, the one Arthur supposedly slept in, was open, and the bed obviously still made. The room didn’t look the least bit touched, because it hadn’t been. There were a few boxes of things on the floor in the corner, things Merlin had put there simply to store out of the way, but it was otherwise clean and tidy.

Hunith appeared behind Merlin’s shoulder, making Merlin jump. “Oh? Is he sleeping in your room, then?”

“Y-Yes. My bed’s more comfortable and sometimes I let him use it. During the day. Or after he gets home from work and wants to nap. Just wait here.”

It was a thousand times worse than when Morgana found out. Why was it that their family insisted on showing up without any notice? Well, Morgana had called and he’d simply been away from his mobile, but the point still stood.

Merlin was hyperventilating as soon as he closed the door behind him. Arthur, calm and collected as always, got up from the end of the bed and walked over to rub Merlin’s shoulders.

“I can’t do this,” Merlin said, shaking his head. “We have to think of something to tell her, get her to go to a hotel.” At Arthur’s look of sympathy, Merlin repeated himself. “I _can’t do this_.”

“I don’t think a hotel will be necessary. I think you can get through this.”

“Arthur, don’t tell me you think we should—”

“God, no. Or actually, I do think we should, but I’m still too frightened by what she’ll say as well.”

Merlin nodded, mostly to himself. “Good. Good.” He was still absently nodding when Arthur chuckled and grabbed hold of his chin to kiss him.

“Come on. Get yourself together so we can put on a show.”

Merlin took a deep breath, cherishing the touch of Arthur’s hands while he still could. Then it struck him—they’d have to sleep in separate rooms while his mother was here. He couldn’t bear the thought; it made him ache with dread.

Arthur opened the door before Merlin could properly drown in anxiety. He ran a hand through his hair and squared his shoulders, then turned to the living room.

“Aunt Hunith?” Arthur called. Merlin looked over Arthur’s shoulder. His mum wasn’t in sight.

Suddenly she came in from the guest bedroom. “Sorry! I was looking for where you keep extra blankets. But never mind that. Come here, Arthur.” She held open her arms and Arthur stepped into the embrace, even went so far as to wrap his own arms around her. He was taller, and she fit just as nicely in Arthur’s hugs as she did in Merlin’s.

“Hi, Hunith. What’s the occasion? Merlin said you’re in the city for a convention?”

Hunith stepped away and smiled up at him. “That’s right. It’ll only be three days, so I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

“It’s not a problem at all,” Arthur said magnanimously. “You’re always welcome to visit.”

Merlin suddenly wished they’d been born twins, so at least then Arthur would get the mental message he was sending him telling him to shut up.

However, just then she reached up and pinched Arthur’s cheek. “Aw, you’re too sweet, Arthur, but I really wouldn’t want to impose. You’re probably busy with your boyfriend, and I know Merlin’s busy with _some_ one considering there’s lube on the coffee table.”

Merlin blanched. How could he be so stupid as to forget the lube there _again_?

Arthur laughed. “Merlin doesn’t necessarily have to be busy with a someone, you know. It could be a some _thing_.”

Hunith snorted. “Trust me, I know my Merlin. It’s a someone.”

“Mum!”

“I’d be more surprised if you _weren’t_ overly sexual, Merlin. Both your father and I were.”

Merlin put his face in his hands. “Please…just stop.”

Arthur just laughed again. “I’ll get you some blankets and things for the sofa,” he said, going back into the unused bedroom.

With Arthur gone, Hunith pulled Merlin into a side hug. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, but it’s only Arthur. And I hardly ever get to see you, I deserve to have a little fun. We used to talk more but since... Heavens, since a few months before Morgana’s wedding it’s always me who has to call if I want to speak to you.”

Merlin’s chest tightened with guilt. He’d stopped calling his mum solely because doing so reminded him of his relation to Arthur, but now that he was fine with it, had accepted that he was in love with Arthur and they just happened to be cousins, he couldn’t remember why he hadn’t called as often. He supposed it’d just slipped his mind.

“I’m sorry,” he said, hugging her back. “I’ll phone more, I promise. Why don’t you tell me about this convention thing while Arthur gets the sofa set up? I didn’t realise how into Sherlock you were.”

Hunith blushed and shook her head. “Oh no. No, no, no. It’s enough that you know I’m going to the con and meeting up with a few friends. Any more than that and I’d be the one embarrassed.”

Merlin quirked a brow and grinned. “Mum, just tell me who you ship and we’ll get the awkwardness behind us,” he said. “You owe it to me for earlier.”

Hunith looked away and muttered, “Johnlock.”

Merlin sighed. He thought for sure she’d at least have the decency to ship Sheriarty.

*

The first night of Hunith’s visit was torture, worse than Christmas. It wasn’t some old bed he was alone in, but their own bed. One that had Arthur’s scent on the pillow and on his side of the mattress, but didn’t have _him_. His only consolation was that he knew Arthur was missing his presence just as badly in the room adjacent.

The morning brought a bit of relief. His mother hadn’t looked too closely at the empty bedroom that was supposedly Arthur’s, otherwise she would’ve seen the lack of clothes and personal furnishings that usually accompanied a living space. And because she had nowhere to be until later in the day, she slept through Merlin and Arthur’s morning routine. They stole long, passionate kisses in the bedroom while they dressed for work, and even took the risk of showering together. Merlin drew the line when Arthur tried to kiss him one last time in the kitchen, worried that the lack of a door would somehow give them away even when they were out of her sight. He left a spare key for his mother on the coffee table so she could come and go as she pleased, and only allowed Arthur to kiss him again once they were in the lift going down.

Work took his mind off the stressful situation at home, as most tasks required his full attention and focus, but as soon as it was time to leave, he slouched and couldn’t keep the frown off his face. He trudged out of the building, wondering how long conventions usually lasted and hoping his mother had gone out with friends as she’d said she would.

Arthur wasn’t home yet when he arrived, probably still kept at work and another hour from clocking out. Thankfully, his mother wasn’t there either, and as he pulled off his tie and kicked off his shoes, he wondered if he should cook for three or assume his mum’s plans included dinner out. He sent her a quick text asking if she’d be returning soon and she replied almost instantly saying she wouldn’t be back until late, that they should eat without her. Finally, some of the tension eased from his body.

He had dinner ready by the time Arthur came in, a simple meal of rice, chicken, and sweetcorn. He was sitting on the worktop, playing a game on his mobile while he waited when he heard Arthur come in. He heard the heavy footsteps enter the living room, check the bedrooms and the loo, before circling back around to the kitchen, satisfied that Hunith wasn’t here. He came right up to Merlin with a smile on his face, settled himself in the space between Merlin’s legs, and welcomed the kiss Merlin planted on his lips.

“She won’t be back until late,” Merlin said, hopping off the worktop. “Didn’t give a time, but I’m thinking at least eleven, maybe twelve. Let’s eat.”

That night, he wanted to go to bed with Arthur, but knew it wasn’t prudent. Even though Hunith was another hour or two away from coming back, they went off to separate bedrooms. Merlin didn’t look forward to another sleepless night at all.

But Hunith had been true to her word—besides having to tiptoe around in the morning and sleep apart at night, her presence hadn’t changed much. Probably it was because she hadn’t come to visit on a weekend. When Friday, the last day of her convention, came around, Merlin came home happy. He jumped into bed—on which Arthur was lounging and using his laptop—and said they should watch a film together after dinner. Without having work the next day, they could stay up as late as they wished; they’d just have to be sure to be behaving appropriately when Hunith returned.

After a meal of takeaway, they loaded up Netflix on Arthur’s Xbox in the living room and settled in to watch something.

“Something scary,” Merlin suggested. Arthur was spread out along the sofa, one arm lying across Merlin’s lap as he propped himself up. “Oh, there! What’s that about?”

“No, that looks stupid. And it says I’d only give it two and a half stars.”

“Yeah, _you_ would, not me. Let me read the damn synopsis. No, go back! Give me that thing.”

Merlin reached for the controller, but Arthur just curled into a ball, holding it to his chest and being obstinate as usual. “There’s thousands of other movies, Merlin, for Christ’s sake.”

They settled on something about ten minutes later, and only because Arthur got tired of trying to find the perfect film. Merlin considered it a victory, and as Arthur readjusted himself to lie comfortably with his head in Merlin’s lap, he felt contentedness wash over him.

*

The sound of someone stumbling into the flat woke him. His vision was blurry and the room was dark, so it took a moment for his eyes to make out the time beneath the TV. It was nearly two in the morning.

Arthur, deep sleeper though he was, awoke a little as well at the noise. Merlin felt him stirring and wondered when they’d commandeered the blanket Hunith had been using the past few days. Probably Arthur had gotten cold at some point and draped it over them. They were both spread along the sofa now, though Merlin did remember that, repositioning near the end of the first movie so that he could put his feet up and have Arthur spooning against him. They’d started a second movie but apparently had fallen asleep through it, leaving the screen inactive for so long the TV went into sleep mode.

Merlin reacted to the foreign entry into the flat before Arthur, who was still groggy with sleep. He could just make out the dark shape of his mum as she tried unsuccessfully to shut the door without much noise. It creaked if one tried to close it slowly; it had to be swung quickly then pulled closed gently at the last second.

Then Merlin’s heart started racing. Was there a way to save the situation? She hadn’t seen them on the sofa yet, but if they both moved, got up at the same time, would it be obvious they’d been lying wrapped up in each other on the sofa? It was fine and entirely possible that they could’ve fallen asleep to a movie together, but on top of each other? How likely was it and how acceptable? Merlin suddenly couldn’t catch his breath and didn’t know what to do. He was frozen, couldn’t even speak to say hello.

It didn’t help that Arthur was grumbling in his half-asleep state and burrowing back into Merlin’s chest, pulling the blanket closer around him. It was just loud enough for Hunith to hear him.

“Hello?”

Oh God, her speech was slurred. She was drunk. Merlin wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Merlin remained quiet. Maybe he should pretend to be asleep?

Yes. That suddenly seemed the perfect idea. He could avoid confrontation and put it off ‘til morning, at least. He shut his eyes and tried to calm his breathing.

The sound of his mother colliding with something made him flinch, and she swore. “Shit! No...No, sod this. I need a light.”

She searched through the darkness for a moment before finally steering their way, around the side of the sofa to the table at Merlin and Arthur’s feet. Orange light came through Merlin’s eyelids as she turned the lamp on, but still he kept his eyes closed.

There was nothing but the sound of Arthur’s heavy breathing for a few tense seconds. Merlin tried to get his heart to stop thudding in his chest, to no avail. He had to simply hope his mother was too drunk to know the difference between fake sleeping and the real thing.

“Mern, turn...light off...idiot,” Arthur mumbled, stirring again. Merlin thought he’d die right then, but did the only thing he could think to do and kept his eyes firmly closed.

“Hmm,” his mother hummed. After another second, the light went out, and Merlin heard slow footsteps going for the guest bedroom. He was positive he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep.

*

When he next opened his eyes, sunlight was coming in through the window behind him, falling over his legs on the sofa. Arthur was no longer there, but Merlin heard him moving about in the kitchen.

He sat up and stretched, cracking a few joints. He was stiff and sore from the position he’d slept in, but he was more concerned with having to talk to his mother when she woke up than his muscles. No doubt she was still asleep, knocked out after the previous night’s apparent activities. At least he had a little time to get himself together.

He went to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth before going to the kitchen. Arthur was leaning over the worktop looking at something on his mobile and sipping tea.

“Morning,” he said at Merlin’s entrance.

Merlin went about the motions for making tea himself, rubbing his eyes with a knuckle. “Hey. We need to talk.”

Arthur made a choking noise, and Merlin whipped his head around to see him clutching his throat, eyes wide in their sockets. When Merlin moved to help, Arthur waved him away and swallowed audibly.

“Are you… I know it’s hard, especially now with Aunt Hunith, but you wouldn’t—”

“Oh my God, no, Arthur! I didn’t mean that kind of talk.” Emboldened by the fact that his mother was still deeply asleep in the other room, Merlin paused his tea-making process and walked behind Arthur to hold him reassuringly. “It’s something else. We fell asleep together on the sofa last night.”

Arthur sighed. “I know. I realised when I woke up. I’m sorry, I should’ve—”

“It’s not your fault. It was an accident. We were both reckless.” Kind of the way they were being reckless now, but Merlin knew how deep his mum could sleep after a night of drinking.

“Do you think she could’ve figured it out from that alone?” Arthur asked, turning his head to look at Merlin. His breath smelled of tea. “I mean, isn’t it possible we were just cold or...Christ, I don’t know.”

Merlin frowned and put his chin on Arthur’s shoulder. “What makes it unbelievable is how we act around everyone else, like we’re only just barely friends.” Arthur nodded. “Do you really think she would look at us cuddling on the sofa and think it was just some innocent cousinly embrace? That there’s nothing more between us?”

Arthur leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “We won’t know until she wakes up. What will we say?”

Merlin had been racking his brains since she’d left and gone to the guest bedroom last night. “I have no idea.”

“Fuck. She thinks I have a boyfriend,” Arthur groaned.

Merlin let go of Arthur and finished readying the kettle. The lack of a plan suddenly made him need to take his mind off things, and he tried thinking about what had to be done today.

“Laundry needs doing,” he said, “and we’re low on milk—”

“Merlin.”

Merlin slid a hand down his face. Arthur knew him too well. “I’m just trying to stay calm, go about things as normal. If I think about it any more I’ll panic, and there’s nothing we can do until she wakes up. Maybe she was so pissed that she didn’t—”

“She’d been drinking? You woke up when she came in?”

Merlin nodded. “She stumbled in, turned on a light. You mumbled for me turn the light off, and after a few seconds she went in there.” Merlin gestured in the direction of the bedrooms. “I could _feel_ her looking at us. I’ve never felt so disgusting in my life,” he finished with a slight cringe.

If he wasn’t careful, he’d start shaking, as pathetic as it was. He was glad he hadn’t opened his eyes last night after all, so he could only imagine how his mother had looked at him. But that also made it a bit worse; it was entirely possible that what he was imagining her face to look like wasn’t as bad as the reality.

“So now you feel disgusting being with me.”

Arthur said it so quietly, so matter-of-factly and yet aggressively under his breath that Merlin had to look at him. His face didn’t look angry yet, but his jaw was clenched and his brows the slightest bit drawn together. He wasn’t angry, but he was on the way there.

“No,” Merlin said. He shrugged. “Sometimes. I don’t know. Does it matter? You know I love you.”

The kettle finished just as Arthur screwed up his face and turned away with a huff. He didn’t say anything but Merlin could tell what he was thinking.

“Don’t give me that face!” he exclaimed as loud as he dared while pouring hot water into his cup. “Like you don’t feel that way, too.”

Arthur spun around, his stern gaze nearly murderous. “I don’t.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t always that way. I seem to recall a certain series of text messages, and you sure were awkward enough—”

“Oh, fuck that!” Arthur yelled, waving Merlin’s statement away as he seemed to finally lose his calm. Merlin set the kettle down loudly. “That was ages ago and things were strange and...I haven’t felt ashamed of being with you for so long that it doesn’t even occur to me anymore. All that time you spent worrying about not being in love with me, I spent coming to terms with it and keeping my feelings to myself. You’re the one who still can’t seem to stomach it for some reason.”

“I can stomach it just fine, actually,” Merlin snapped. “It’s only when your father’s staring at me like I’m a poor excuse for a man that makes me feel so dirty I don’t think I’ll ever be able to scrub myself clean. Oh, and my own mum? I try not to imagine her face when she finds out I’m fucking her brother’s son.”

“I’m done talking about this, Merlin. We have other things to worry about and you know it.”

Merlin lunged forward and grabbed hold of Arthur’s arm before he could storm out. “No. I want you to understand.”

“What’s there not to understand? It’s always been this way, and I thought you’d changed, but apparently not—You love me but sometimes you feel disgusting about it. I got that loud and clear, thanks.”

Merlin shook his head angrily. “That’s not it. I mean, it is, but…It’s only when we’re around our parents. And somewhat Morgana as well, but not as much, I guess. I get that other people outside of us won’t understand, and some of them will think it’s, I dunno, immoral or something. I can deal with that, because everyone’s strange in some way and it’s impossible to escape judgement. But with our family? It’s bad enough with your father thinking my mother and I are backwards and odd. When I was twelve, maybe thirteen, I heard him mutter under his breath that I was a weird little bastard, and I could never understand why he’d say something like that. I’ve never done anything to him and yet he hates me. This would just give him another reason to.” Merlin took a deep breath. “And my mum…I just don’t want to disappoint her. You’ve only seen her when she’s happy, but when she’s upset about something, it’s terrible.”

Merlin knew he was rambling, and he was at the point where he’d lost track of what he was trying to say. He let go of Arthur, who thankfully didn’t look as angry anymore, and sighed.

“When Morgana found out, she was horrified. She looked at us like she didn’t know us, like we were deformed. I can’t handle that from my mum. When I think about how she’ll look at me, how she’ll feel when she finds out, _that’s_ when I feel disgusting. Because I know _she’ll_ be disgusted.”

Arthur looked at him, frowning. “I understand, I do, but Merlin, we’re happy together. You can’t let what other people may or may not think ruin that. And you’re forgetting that this is Hunith. She’s said she’ll support our decisions no matter what. If she doesn’t, then just...just don’t think about it. That’s what I expect to do when my father eventually finds out.”

Merlin snorted. “Why do you always put things like that? You make it sound like it’s so easy for you.”

Arthur shook his head. “You were right that it wasn’t always. Early on, when we’d first got comfortable just fucking, I was still thinking of you as my younger cousin. You don’t know what it’s like, being older. As few times as it happened, I remember when I had to look after you. Or when it was just us playing together because Morgana wanted to go to a friend’s and you always got excited having me all to yourself. You have no idea how hard it was to separate what I feel for you now from the situation we were in then. There were times when I’d have my cock in you and suddenly I’d see you with round cheeks and longer hair.”

“The same happened to me…”

“Yes, but it’s different for me. You aren’t just my cousin, but my kid cousin. I had to get over a few more barriers.”

“How did you?”

Arthur really did make it seem effortless, like he’d never even cared. After his first meltdown at the club, and a few missteps the times following, it seemed nothing had fazed him.

Arthur shrugged. “I dealt with a lot of my father’s shit growing up and I suppose I learnt a few tricks. How to not let things get to me being one of them. I worked at blocking out the parts I needed to and focused on how good things could be with you. Then I realised how good things _were_ with you, and I wasn’t going to let something like blood relation or a few uneasy feelings mess that up for me.”

Merlin froze when he heard the sound of a creaking door—his mother coming out of the bedroom. He suddenly realised he’d let his tea steep too long and began working to save it.

“Morning,” Hunith croaked when she walked in. Merlin looked up at her and she appeared worse than he’d seen her in ages. He didn’t remark on it, though. “ _Is_ it still morning?”

Arthur’s mobile was still close at hand. “Just gone noon.” He set the mobile down. “Sorry to have stolen the sofa last night. Apparently we can’t stay up as late as we once could and dozed off in the middle of a movie.”

Hunith chuckled, and that was the moment Merlin noticed she wasn’t looking directly at either of them. “It’s called getting older, dear. And I don’t mind a bit about the sofa, your bed was much more comfortable. Now, have you got a painkiller for my head? I had a bit to drink last night.”

“Yeah, I’ll—”

“I’ve got it,” Arthur said. He disappeared before Merlin could react, leaving Merlin alone with his mother.

“That’s quite a bit of sugar, isn’t it?” Hunith asked a few seconds later. “I don’t remember you ever taking that much.”

Merlin glanced up at her. Her eyes were fixed to the motions of his hands, still not making eye contact. He felt his stomach start churning and wanted to leave the room.

“It steeped too long. It’s a bit bitter,” he said.

Arthur returned quickly, paracetamol in hand. He set the bottle down and opened the fridge to get Hunith a drink.

“Pity I couldn’t meet your boyfriend while I was here, Arthur,” she said as Arthur poured her a glass of water. Merlin’s heart skipped. “I know I was out most of the time, but I’d been hoping for at least a glimpse.”

Arthur handed her the glass and gave her a soft smile. Merlin knew how to turn on the charm as well, but more with potential sex partners and less with his mother. Arthur, of course, was more smooth. “Yeah. Maybe another time,” Arthur said.

“Are you leaving soon?” Merlin asked. He inwardly cringed, hating how the question sounded. Arthur shot him an annoyed look, so he quickly took a sip of his tea.

“As soon as this hangover lifts a bit,” Hunith replied. She kept her eyes down as she lifted the glass to drink, popping the pill in her mouth. Once she swallowed, she said, “Keen to get rid of me, eh?”

“No, not at all! I was just wondering.”

Arthur was at the fridge again, bending over and looking inside. “Oh, damn, we really are low on milk.”

“Mmm.” Merlin took another quick sip of his tea and tried not to let his gaze drift to Arthur’s arse. “Mushrooms, too. Actually, there’s a list somewhere. I’ll find it before you go.”

“We can have some of these leftovers for lunch,” Arthur said, pulling out the previous night’s takeaway. “I don’t suppose you’re up for eating yet, are you, Hunith?”

Hunith winced. “Not quite yet, no. I’m thinking of going back to bed. Is it alright if I keep using your room for the next few hours?”

“Of course.”

She nodded her thanks and left with quiet footsteps. As soon as Merlin heard the bathroom door close, he sagged with the release of tension and set his cup back on the worktop. When Arthur began spooning leftovers out onto a couple plates, Merlin realised how hungry he was.

*

Merlin was reading in his bedroom when a soft knock on the door pulled him back to reality. Arthur had left to get groceries just ten minutes earlier, so it could only be one person.

“Hmm?” he hummed, peering over the top of his book. “Alright, Mum?”

Hunith entered warily, her eyes scanning the room. Merlin tried not to look around as well, to check if anything too obvious was out in the open. His stomach clenched when, in his peripheral vision, he noticed Arthur’s laptop on the nightstand on his side of the bed.

 _It could be mine, for all she knows,_ Merlin told himself.

“There’s...something I want to talk to you about,” Hunith said. Finally seeming to gather the courage, she plopped herself on the end of the bed. Merlin noted she was looking right at him again.

“Did you rest well?” he asked, his mouth gone dry. “It’s only been an hour, and I thought maybe you’d—”

“Merlin,” she silenced him, raising her eyebrows. “I rested just fine. I wouldn’t be in here otherwise. I think we should discuss something and I figured you wouldn’t want Arthur here.”

Merlin swallowed and slowly lowered his book, thinking she couldn’t be more wrong. If this was going to be about what Merlin thought it was, he would’ve preferred Arthur to be there, to give him strength.

 _It might not be so bad,_ he tried to reason. _At least she didn’t come in here yelling or looking at me strange. She might let me have it easy, be polite about it._

“Okay. What’s on your mind?”

She pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. “I’m not sure how to begin. I suppose I should start by reminding you that you can tell me anything.” She put a hand on his ankle, and Merlin tried not to flinch. “You’re my son and I’ll never turn you away, do you understand that?”

Merlin nodded.

Hunith removed her hand and turned to face the wall beside the bed. “So...You and Arthur are close. Closer now, I mean, than you were as boys.”

Merlin was starting to sweat. That was it. She knew. “I guess so. We have more in common now that we’re adults. Though to be honest Arthur is so childish sometimes I wonder whether or not he should even be called that.”

Her lips quirked a bit. “I thought the same at the wedding. Do you remember how he kept turning away those women? He looked just like Uther standing there, the same defiant tilt of his chin and proud posture. Reminded me a bit of those rich, posh lads who thought they were too good for ordinary girls. But when he mentioned at Christmas he had a boyfriend, I realised perhaps I’d been too harsh. He hadn’t said how long he’d been with this man, but if they’ve been together since the wedding, then his behaviour made sense. Rather gentlemanly of him to stay faithful like that, I thought.”

Merlin was holding his book tight enough to make his fingers cramp. If it’d been a paperback, he would’ve bent it beyond repair by now.

“That night, when I couldn’t find him after we spoke to him and Uther, I thought he’d taken my advice and finally gone off with someone, or, as I figured after Christmas, that he’d simply left early to meet up with his boyfriend. But you had disappeared as well. I know you’re like your mother and enjoy a good shag, but you’re not so shameless as to leave with someone before at least dancing with them. Not at a do like that.”

Any other time, Merlin would’ve chuckled. He wasn’t in the mood to laugh now.

“I didn’t put it together at first, and even now I’m not certain but—”

“We fucked,” Merlin blurted. It was out now and he couldn’t believe how much lighter he felt. “We left together, we went to his, and he fucked me against a wall. It wasn’t even the first time; we’ve been fucking over a year. Almost two years!”

It all came out in a rush. Why hold it in when it was so obvious she knew? He told her everything—about how he’d felt sick doing it at first, but then couldn’t help himself because Arthur was so fit; about how he kept telling himself he wasn’t in love with him until finally Arthur’s confession forced him to admit it; about how much he still wanted to be with him even when it made things like Christmas awkward, and please if she understood anything, then understand that he was in love and he couldn’t help it.

Merlin felt simultaneously worried and more at ease with each thing off his chest. Throughout the whole speech, his mother kept the same wide-eyed yet passive face. The lack of a response (mainly the lack of disgust), gave him courage to say as much as he did.

“Merlin,” she said, cutting him off mid-ramble. “Come here.”

Merlin exhaled in relief and moved down the bed to sit next to her, knowing already she’d hug him. A hug meant she wasn’t against touching him, meant she didn’t think he was diseased or toxic. The angle wasn’t the best for an embrace, but she put one arm around his shoulders and the other across his chest, curling her fingers over his bicep.

“When you told me you were gay, I told you I didn’t care who you liked as long as they made you happy. I’ve always meant that, and I still do. Arthur is a good boy—a good man. You’ve always been good for each other. I admit I was surprised, but don’t ever think I’d turn you away because of it.”

Merlin threw his arms around his mum and smiled into her shoulder. “Oh thank God. I love you, Mum.”

“I love you, too. You don’t know how glad I am that you have someone after all. Parents always want to give their children everything they want, but past a certain age it stops being as simple as a toy or a game. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I am happy.” Merlin pulled back, his smile lessening. “We can’t tell Uncle Uther, though, not yet.”

“Oh, heavens no. I can’t even imagine what he might do.”

“Everyone else knows...Morgana, Gwaine, our friends.”

She patted Merlin’s cheek and stroked his hair. “I’m glad you were honest with me.”

Merlin still couldn’t believe it, but he was glad he was, too.

*

When Arthur returned, Hunith was about to leave. Her suitcase and travel bag were by the door, and she was tying her shoes on the sofa. Merlin met Arthur in the kitchen to help put things away.

“She knows,” Merlin whispered to him by the fridge.

Arthur froze. Merlin helped him close the fridge door.

“Merlin…” Arthur turned to face him, eyes wide. “You mean she talked to you about it while I was gone?”

Merlin nodded. “She did. I told her everything.”

“Arthur!” Hunith sang as she walked into the kitchen. Merlin spun around and stepped out of the way of her outreaching arms. Arthur accepted the hug politely, though he was still obviously stunned. “I’m off now. Just wanted one last hug and to wish you both well.”

“Oh, um—”

“And don’t worry about introducing me to this boyfriend of yours,” she continued, pulling away. “I met him while you were out, and I have to say, he’s rather handsome. Good on you for such a catch! He must get his good looks from his mother.”

The statement itself had been bad enough, but then she had to _wink,_ and Merlin thought he would die of embarrassment right then. He groaned and put his face in his hand. How did she manage to make even this a source of her cruel, motherly torture?

Arthur, smooth fucker that he was, smiled and said, “Undoubtedly. If only I could’ve gotten a bit more of her genes.”

Hunith giggled delightedly. “Alright, now I really should be going. Give us a kiss,” she said, patting each of her cheeks. Both Merlin and Arthur leaned forward to give her a goodbye peck.

“Bye, Mum.”

“Bye, Aunt Hunith.”

*

It had always been the reminder of family that brought on Merlin’s occasional flashes of shame. He was used to burying uneasy feelings beneath the surface, and even used to forgetting the fact that Arthur was his cousin at all. But now even the thought of family didn’t bring about as intense a reaction as it did before, not with Uther being the only one left out of the loop. The only real people who mattered, the people closest in Merlin’s life, already knew. He knew what Uther’s reaction would be, and knowing allowed Merlin to relax a little. The worst was behind him.

Of course, the same couldn’t be said for Arthur, but even Arthur took more risks after Hunith found out, around their friends especially. Where before they’d tone things down for the sake of those around them, Arthur no longer restricted himself to hand-holding or side embraces. He’d kiss Merlin in front of all their mates, and not just quick, chaste kisses, but also slow, romantic ones that made Merlin forget they were in public. More than a few times they’d see some of their friends quickly glance away after that, but Merlin was able to shrug it off easily. It wasn’t every day one of your friends snogged their cousin in front of you, so Merlin took it as more of a “Huh, that’s different,” than as a “That’s absolutely revolting.”

Merlin was...comfortable. Comfortable enough to announce it to the world apparently.

They were lounging on the sofa, the two of them, Merlin leaning against one end with his feet by Arthur’s bum, and Arthur mirroring the position opposite him. It was a quiet moment after dinner on a Tuesday, and they were absorbed in their mobiles.

Merlin was on Facebook, scrolling through his feed and feeling a bit stalkery looking at photos of old school mates. He didn’t know what Arthur was doing; with him he could be either playing a game or doing something work-related.

“Merlin,” Arthur said, the beginning of a question in his voice. “Who’s Gilli Blake?”

“Hmm?” The name sounded familiar.

“Gilli Blake,” Arthur repeated. “He just commented on a photo of you. An old photo.”

Merlin looked up then, lowering his phone a bit to raise an eyebrow at his cousin. Arthur was still hidden behind his mobile.

“Arthur, don’t make me laugh.” It seemed ridiculous that after all this time Arthur still hadn’t gone through Merlin’s Facebook thoroughly enough to figure out who all his past relationships were. Merlin had gone through everything there was to see on Arthur’s, which admittedly wasn’t much. He’d expected the subject to have come up sooner than now.

“Hmm.” Arthur’s thumb swiped the screen of his phone a few times. Suddenly he inhaled sharply, and Merlin knew he’d seen them, the photos Gilli had uploaded ages ago when they’d still been dating and which Merlin couldn’t exactly distance himself from.

“No,” Arthur said firmly. Not angrily, Merlin noticed, just incredibly firmly, as if he refused to believe or acknowledge it. “No, no, no.”

“Stop being dramatic, Arthur. Like you haven’t fucked people other than me. A certain whiny cunt named Vivian comes to mind…”

“You never saw me kissing her,” Arthur pointed out and showed Merlin the screen. Merlin cringed at the photo displayed.

“It’s not my fault you went looking for it…” Merlin tried. But if he’d seen Arthur in a similar photo, he knew he would’ve had the same reaction.

Arthur wasn’t having it. He shook his head and muttered into his phone, “No. Absolutely not. Not some fucking _Gilli._ ”

Merlin was worried a moment, until he got a notification asking him to confirm a relationship status. His jaw dropped.

“You’ve put the wrong day in for our anniversary!”

“That’s when we fucked the first time,” Arthur said, as though that was supposed to mean something. Merlin was surprised Arthur had even remembered that exact date. “Did you want me to put the date of Morgana’s wedding?”

“No, that’s even worse! People will think we met at the wedding and that’s just—just—”

“When then?”

“The first time we met after the club. When you came over with Jameson.”

That finally brought the ghost of a smile back to Arthur’s face. In the meantime, Merlin accepted the relationship request, and it was only afterward that he realised the weight of what he’d just done.

His friends, his coworkers, his mother’s friends, Arthur’s friends, Morgana’s friends...Everyone would be able to see he was dating his cousin. And strangely, he wasn’t panicking about it. Maybe they’d see and pinch their face in disgust, and maybe a few of them would start treating Merlin differently, but so what? If who he was with changed things for them so much, he didn’t want to be friends with them anyway. Arthur made him happy, and perhaps he did need to take his advice and block out anything that got in the way of that.

Then a thought struck him and panic started to rise.

“What if Uther sees it?”

Arthur shook his head. “He doesn’t have Facebook. Hardly knows how to use the internet.”

“And if someone he knows does? Someone with access to your—”

“Merlin, calm down. I wouldn’t have done it if I thought there was a chance of something like that happening. Now come over here and kiss me so I can show that _Gilli_ you’re taken.”

*

Merlin loved when Arthur fucked him slow almost as much as when he fucked him fast and hard. He loved feeling Arthur’s chaste kisses along his shoulder while Arthur’s cock slid slowly and perfectly into place again and again and again. He loved how sometimes the mechanical act of it made it feel almost boring on his side and his body became just something for Arthur to use, but then Arthur would give a sudden thrust, grunting in his ear, and a spike of pleasure rushed through him, making him cry out. He especially loved how Arthur would hold him reverently in place, and the slide of skin over skin was a testament to Arthur’s passion.

It’d been a rather uncharacteristic night. Since settling on an anniversary date, today “officially” marked two years together. Arthur had surprised him with dinner at a restaurant Merlin thought entirely too expensive but loved nonetheless.

“We never do anything real couples do,” Arthur had said at dinner when Merlin asked what was up. “Yes, we’ve been out to dinner and gone on dates of a sort, but nothing fancy like this. Sometimes it’s as though we’re just best friends who sleep together. I wanted to try something different.”

Merlin had looked around at the restaurant, the dim lighting, the wine on the table and the elaborate setting, the expensive suits both he and Arthur wore, and said, “I don’t know. Feels a bit weird.”

“Exactly. I don’t want it to feel weird. We should be allowed to do things like this without it being weird.”

Merlin had shrugged and looked at his menu. The food at least was good.

Arthur exhaled and pulled out slowly. Merlin worried for a moment that he’d already come, but then he said hoarsely, “Turn over.”

Merlin rolled onto his back and spread his legs. Arthur shuffled forward, grabbing hold of Merlin’s calves and lifting his arse off the bed. When he slid in again, it was with a delicious roll of his hips that had Merlin moaning appreciatively.

Arthur released his hold on Merlin’s leg and placed a hand on his chest instead, right in the centre of his sternum. Merlin bit his lip and watched in anticipation, but the hand didn’t slide down. It stayed anchored there, pressing on Merlin harder and harder while Arthur’s rhythm finally sped up into something Merlin was used to. His cock pulled out shorter distances and he thrust in with more force, until finally Merlin’s body was rocking on the bed, every breath shuddered from how thoroughly Arthur was fucking him, hitting his prostate. He didn’t realise he was gripping Arthur’s other bicep until Arthur moved his hand beside Merlin’s head to lean forward and fuck harder.

No more short, quick bursts, just hard, brutal thrusts that made Merlin gasp and hold on for dear life, legs wrapped around Arthur’s waist. He curled his arms around Arthur’s neck, let his fingers slide into Arthur’s hair, and felt so much pleasure he couldn’t make a single sound; not a whine, not a whimper, not a moan, just open-mouthed panting as Arthur pumped forcefully into him.

He didn’t at all expect Arthur’s mouth to suddenly meet his, but it made everything perfect. The wetness of their tongues tangling and twisting together, the almost secret language of kissing, made the act of fucking so much more. Happiness and pleasure rushed through Merlin, making his body hum delightedly, and with a few more passionate thrusts, he was coming, breaking away from Arthur’s mouth to gasp wetly against Arthur’s cheek.

“A-Arthur,” Merlin sighed. He was limp and satisfied, but still enjoyed the way Arthur was taking pleasure in his body. Arthur’s hips sped up again, and Merlin tightened his fingers in Arthur’s hair, encouraging him.

“Almost—almost there—nnngh!”

He was all the way in, his balls right up against Merlin’s arse when he went taut and came. Merlin closed his eyes and thought perhaps he could feel the tremors himself. When Arthur slid out a final time, exhaling shakily, come oozed out with him.

Arthur plopped down on his back next to Merlin and Merlin shot him a glance, smiling. “Happy two years,” Merlin said.

Arthur was still heaving breathlessly, but grinned up at the ceiling. “Yeah. Happy two years, Merlin. Can’t believe I still love your annoying arse.”

*

It was after a long Friday at work that Merlin came home to Arthur pacing the living room, mobile pressed to his ear. Merlin didn’t even take his shoes off before crossing the room to put a hand on his shoulder and silently ask what was wrong.

“Morgana, are you sure? The past few times you thought—”

Pained screaming on the other end of the line made Arthur suddenly take the phone from his ear and cringe. Merlin’s pulse quickened. Was it that time already? His (other) cousin was already about to bring a whole person into the world?

“Yes, I’m fucking sure!” Morgana shrieked, audible even from where Merlin was. “Just get here already!”

Arthur looked dumbly at the phone even after the line went dead. Then he sprang into action, grabbing his coat and putting on his shoes.

“Gwaine’s away on a photoshoot,” Arthur said, tying his shoes. “Typical. Probably some beach or something. Morgana wants someone there with her.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No. I mean. Fuck, I don’t know.” His laces got tangled in a knot and he had to start over. He huffed and began again.

Merlin knelt in front of him and swatted his hands away. “Slow down. The world won’t end if you don’t get there in less than ten minutes.” He carefully tied Arthur’s shoes himself while Arthur put his hands on his knees and took deep breaths.

“Okay. But if something happens and I’m not there—”

“You won’t be able to do anything because you’re not a doctor.”

“Very true, but if she needs me—”

“She’s strong. This is Morgana we’re talking about. Everything will be fine.”

Merlin moved to stand up, but Arthur’s firm hand on his shoulder kept him down, and he looked at Merlin with wide, desperate eyes. “What if she d—”

“She won’t. Things like that are extremely rare. Do you want me to go with you?”

Even if Arthur didn’t want him along, it was obvious Arthur needed him. Morgana wanted him there for her, but someone had to be there for Arthur.

Arthur nodded and let Merlin go. “Yeah. Please.”

Merlin stood up. “An actual please. Impressive.”

“Shut up and let’s go.”

*

It was strangely easy to identify Morgana’s screams as they fast-walked down the corridor. Arthur skidded to a halt at the door, making Merlin run into his back.

“Arthur!” Morgana exclaimed through loud gasps of breath. “That’s my brother, let him in!” she told a nurse. Because he himself hadn’t been addressed, Merlin waited anxiously at the door, watching with a racing heart the flurry of movement going on in the room.

Arthur went around the bed and Morgana’s hand instantly reached out for him, grabbing hold of his forearm. His face looked more pained and shocked than Merlin had ever seen it, but Arthur’s voice remained firm. “I came as fast as I could.”

Morgana’s face was glistening with sweat, her chest heaving and her legs wide open. “Thank you,” she panted. “Thank you, Arthur. I know you didn’t ask for this, but Gwaine—”

“It’s alright, just worry about getting through this. Everything will be fine,” Arthur said reassuringly, brushing away damp strands of hair from her forehead.

Morgana chuckled breathlessly, no doubt at the sight of Arthur comforting her through childbirth. It wasn’t something Merlin thought he’d see either. Her laughter was cut short when suddenly she groaned and began screaming again. Arthur’s face twisted in pain when Morgana’s grip on his arm tightened.

Merlin decided to give them a bit of privacy and sat in a chair just outside the door. He took a deep breath. Now that he was here, hearing quite clearly his cousin’s efforts, he was feeling a bit shaken up himself and needed a moment.

“Just a bit more, Morgana,” one of the female nurses said in the room. “Just push a bit harder.”

“No, stop,” a male voice said. Its authoritativeness made Merlin assume it was the doctor’s. “We have to turn it around, it’s coming out feet first.”

“What?!” Morgana shouted.

“Just bear with us a moment, Morgana,” the female nurse begged.

“I need to make a short incision to get a bit further in.”

“Oh my God,” Morgana groaned. “Arthur, where are you going, don’t _leave me!_ ”

“Sorry, I’m—I’m not going anywhere.”

At Arthur’s choked voice, Merlin got up to peek in the room again. Arthur’s face had gone white, and he was starting to sweat himself. Merlin wanted to go in and offer some comfort, but wasn’t sure he was allowed.

“Who’s that?” one of the nurses asked, seeing him. “Who’re you?”

Merlin opened his mouth uselessly. Finally Morgana said, “That’s my cousin, Merlin. He can come in if he wants.”

Arthur’s pleading eyes drew Merlin in. He took another deep breath and entered the room, suddenly feeling hot himself. He didn’t want to be in the way, so he navigated around the nurses to stand behind Arthur, very purposefully not looking at the bloody situation between Morgana’s legs.

“How’s she doing?” he asked Arthur quietly.

“I...I don’t know.”

“How are _you_ doing?”

“I’m trying.”

“Morgana?” Merlin began, raising his voice. Morgana turned her head to look at him. “Is it alright if I switch places with Arthur? I think he needs a minute.”

Surprisingly, Morgana nodded. She unlatched her clawed hand from Arthur’s arm and just as quickly latched on Merlin. Arthur shot him a grateful look and fled to the hallway.

It was a long, tiring process, longer than Merlin thought it would be. He wished he could sit down more than once, but couldn’t seem to locate a chair, and so dedicated himself to standing. He told himself that if Morgana could get through it, he could, especially when the doctor sliced part of her open between the legs to get deeper inside and turn the baby around. Merlin could only imagine the pain, but supposed everything down there must have already hurt so much that it was simply another pain endure. Every time her face contorted and she her grip tightened on his arm, he stroked her hair and tried to comfort her.

Then suddenly there was the sound of a baby crying, and Merlin’s stomach dropped in relief. Morgana let out a long breath, and her hold on Merlin slackened, her body going limp.

“Thank God,” she sighed. “Merlin.” Merlin leaned forward, ready to do whatever she asked, give her whatever she needed. “Go check on Arthur.”

Merlin nodded and hurried out, careful not to disturb the work still in progress. As he left the room, he heard the doctor announce, “It’s a girl.”

Arthur stood up the instant he saw Merlin. Merlin took him in his arms and tried to rub some of the vigour back into Arthur’s body.

“Everything went fine,” he said. “Both Morgana and the baby are okay.”

“For now,” Arthur mumbled.

Merlin pulled back enough to look Arthur in the eyes. He still looked worried. “Not just for now,” he insisted. “For good.”

Arthur nodded, brow still furrowed but clearly wanting to believe Merlin’s words. Merlin put his hands on both sides of Arthur’s face and kissed him. Arthur’s hands settled on Merlin’s hips and the rest of his body finally seemed to relax.

“ _What_ are you doing?”

Merlin didn’t have time to fling himself away from Arthur at his uncle’s voice; he was yanked back by the elbow, leaving Arthur to look at him, stunned. Suddenly he was facing Uther’s furious, revolted scowl.

“You. Always _you_ ,” Uther growled.

Merlin was too shocked by his appearance to say anything. Had Morgana phoned him as well, and he was just now getting here? There couldn’t have been any other explanation.

“Father—”

“Not a word,” Uther snapped. He tightened his hold on Merlin’s elbow, his thumb digging in enough to hurt, and began dragging Merlin toward the exit. “You’re coming with me. Stay there, Arthur.”

Merlin had never been more terrified in his life. He looked over his shoulder at Arthur, who obviously wanted to follow, but was frozen to the spot. “It’ll be fine, Arthur,” Merlin called back to him. His voice sounded pitiful even to his own ears.

Merlin was thrown carelessly outside when they finally reached the door. It wasn’t a main entrance, but some sort of back area used for parking emergency vehicles. Merlin grabbed hold of the railing on the stairs and just barely kept from falling to the ground.

When he straightened up and turned to face his uncle again, he was met with a fist to his face. Pain bloomed all through his head, and he put a hand to his mouth, finding his lips wet with blood. Tears streamed down his face, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the pain or because his uncle despised him enough to punch him. Probably both.

“You always were a bad influence on him, and now look what you’ve done,” Uther spat, unleashing his worst glare on Merlin. Merlin felt gutted. “Both you and my sister. I should’ve moved away, far, far away.”

Merlin shook his head, but he still wasn’t quite sure what to say. He felt like a child again, being reprimanded for something he didn’t think was wrong but had to endure the punishment for, as usual.

“I want you out of his life, do you understand me? Out of both of their lives. Don’t phone them, don’t talk to them on the internet, don’t even think about them. As far as I’m concerned, you’re no longer family. You don’t exist.”

Merlin shook his head again, but he knew what to say this time. “You can’t control who Arthur talks to. You can’t control _him_. You definitely can’t control who he loves.”

Uther scoffed. “He doesn’t love you. I don’t know what you’ve done to his head to make him think he does, but he doesn’t love you.”

Anger flared in Merlin, making his arms tremble with rage, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d punched Uther in the face just as hard as Uther had punched him. Uther’s nose was bleeding, and he looked at Merlin, astonished.

“He sure as fuck seems to love me when I’ve got my cock up his arse,” Merlin snapped, pushing Uther back against the wall of the hospital. “He seems to love me when he sucks me off ‘til I come down his throat every morning. And he sure seemed to love me when he took me out to dinner for our two-year anniversary.”

Uther eyes widened in shock. “Two y—”

“Maybe you’re the one who needs to stay out of _our_ lives. Your daughter’s just had a baby and all you’re concerned about is me ruining Arthur. I don’t know what your problem is with me and my mum, but you need to get over it. If what’s between me and Arthur bothers you so much, leave us alone until you think you can handle it, ‘cause nothing’s gonna change.”

Merlin tried to storm angrily back into the hospital, only to find the door locked. He pulled out his phone and rang Arthur, crossing his arms and determinedly ignoring his uncle.

“Hello? Merlin? Is everything—”

“Can you come open the door for me, please? End of the corridor on the right.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. What did he—”

“Thanks.” Merlin hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket. It hurt his face to scowl, so he made himself stop.

“Merlin.”

“Don’t talk to me,” Merlin snapped over his shoulder at Uther. “We’re done speaking.”

He was only too glad when he saw Arthur through the narrow window in the door. He licked blood off his lips and wiped his face, but Arthur was still worried when he opened the door and let the two of them in. Then he caught a glimpse of Uther and his eyes darted back and forth between them.

“Father, tell me you didn’t—”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, taking Arthur by the arm and walking back toward the room. “Don’t worry about it. I want to go home.”

Arthur nodded, but he was still frowning. “I’ve already seen Elena—the baby, that is. I’ll just tell Morgana that we’re leaving, okay?”

“Okay.”

It was obvious Arthur wanted to say more, but thankfully he kept silent. Merlin waited outside the delivery room while Arthur and Uther spoke with Morgana. His face, his mouth in particular, had started throbbing, and he longed to put ice on it. It didn’t help that he was still angry. It was one thing for Uther to try to keep Arthur away from him, to disapprove of everything Merlin did as always, but to say Arthur didn’t love him...It was too much. Just the memory of it made Merlin shake with rage again, and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Merlin?”

Merlin opened his eyes. He didn’t remember closing them. Looking up, he saw Arthur standing in front of him, face full of concern.

“Ready to go?”

Merlin got to his feet. “Yeah.”

*

Merlin went straight to bed once they walked in the door. He forgot he was still wearing the clothes he’d worn to work—black trousers, white button-up, black tie—but was so knackered that he didn’t have the energy to care, let alone take them off. He lay sprawled out on the bed, unable to muster the will to do anything.

“How’s your lip?” Arthur asked. “Still can’t believe he did that. He hardly ever hit me when I was younger, and for him to do that to you…”

Merlin looked down his body and saw Arthur was taking off his shoes for him. An act of caring, of love. It made Merlin feel a bit less heavy, and he sighed.

“Hurts. My whole face hurts. I’d had an idea of what his reaction would be, but I definitely didn’t expect him to punch me.”

“Looked like you got a punch in yourself,” Arthur said, setting down one shoe and moving on to the next. “I would’ve been angrier if you hadn’t, by the way. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Merlin chuckled. “Neither did I. I didn’t think I _would_ punch back until he said you didn’t love me.”

Arthur froze. “What?”

“He said a few other things, but _that_...I don’t know. It triggered something in me, I guess.”

“Of course it did! It would for me, too!” He pulled off Merlin’s other shoe and crawled up the bed to look Merlin in the eye. “Merlin, you know I love you.”

“That’s why it made me so angry. He always thinks he knows what’s best for you, that he knows exactly who you are and what you want, but he doesn’t. I can deal with him being so clearly wrong about the little things, but the fact that he felt so certain about you not loving me was—”

“Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous,” Arthur finished, cupping Merlin’s cheek gently.

“Exactly. So ridiculous I didn’t have words for it. It made me furious. So I just...punched him.”

Arthur lightly kissed his temple. “Funny how I know you so well and yet you still have the ability to surprise me.”

“Think I surprised even myself that time.”

“Sit up and help me get you out of your clothes.”

Merlin forced himself up and slumped, giving Arthur the bare minimum of help as he removed his clothes. He was too tired to put forth too much effort, and was glad Arthur realised it, that he didn’t complain.

“I’ll get you some ice, and then you can go to sleep,” he said, leaving for the kitchen. Merlin exhaled, content at last, and wondered if he’d still be awake by the time Arthur returned.

*

Gwaine was eternally grateful to Merlin and Arthur for being there for Morgana in his place, “As he fucking should be,” as Arthur said. Merlin was more forgiving, because after all, it was impossible to exactly predict when a baby was due, and Gwaine couldn’t help having to work. The important thing was that he was there for Elena when it was important.

Arthur walked around expecting a call from Uther and never receiving one. In the beginning, when Merlin’s lip was still split and his face still lightly bruised, he’d get angry and glare at his phone until Merlin had to take it away from him. Finally, after a month, he gave up. He seemed to take his own advice—he shrugged it off and blocked out that part of his life. For a while, both he and Merlin were happy again, maybe even happier now that their secret was entirely out and there was no reason left to worry.

“I like sitting on top of you,” Merlin announced happily one Saturday morning, sitting astride Arthur.

Arthur was still sleep-dazed, his hair in disarray and his limbs heavy. He stretched, arching his back in the process, and cracked a few joints.

“Yeah, think I noticed that ages ago,” he mumbled. “Also noticed you tend to have more energy that any normal person should this early in the morning.”

“It’s ten AM.”

“Besides the point.”

Merlin chuckled and leaned forward, pressing his chest to Arthur’s so he could pull the duvet up over them both. He rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder and sighed.

“You said you’d come to the library with me today.”

“I remember,” Arthur said, rubbing Merlin’s thigh. “Let’s eat first.”

“Cereal?”

“Mmm, I was thinking eggs. And toast. With some mushrooms maybe…”

“You’re insatiable,” Merlin laughed.

Arthur twisted his neck to the side so he could look down at Merlin, brow raised. “You really want to compare who’s more insatiable? Need I bring up your current hard on?”

“Shut up.”

Arthur got a devious look in his eye, and the next thing Merlin knew the hand on his thigh was running up his side, over the small of his back, and dipping into the waistband of his briefs. A warm finger found the crack of his arse and slid downward, making him shiver and inhale sharply.

“Don’t start what you aren’t going to finish, Arthur,” Merlin warned, adjusting his hips to align his cock next to Arthur’s.

“You say that like it’s happened before,” Arthur teased. Merlin spread his knees further apart and bit his lip as Arthur’s finger circled his hole. “When have I ever started and not finished?”

Merlin supposed that was a good point, as he couldn’t think of a single instance. He pushed himself up, reached out with an arm to rummage through the nightstand for lube, then shuffled forward until he was hovering over Arthur’s face, his knees under Arthur’s arms. The sight of Arthur licking his lips pushed him the final distance to full hardness.

Arthur pushed himself back a bit to sit up, then took Merlin in his mouth gladly, eyes locked on Merlin’s. Merlin pumped a small dollop of lube onto Arthur’s first two fingers and set the bottle back on the nightstand. With his legs spread so far apart, he could only get his pants halfway down his thighs, so Arthur went up from the bottom instead, sliding slippery fingers beneath the hem, over the curve of Merlin’s arse and finally into the cleft, finding the hole again. Merlin jerked backward into the touch, then shoved forward, deeper into Arthur’s mouth.

He placed one hand on Arthur’s shoulder, the other on the wall behind the bed, and let his head fall back as he exhaled. Soon enough the tip of a finger pushed its way inside and Merlin moaned in bliss. He was loose enough—he always seemed to be loose enough—that it was easy for Arthur to push further not long after. Arthur had a finger pumping in and out while his head bobbed back and forth on Merlin’s dick.

“Oh, oh _fuck_ yes, more,” Merlin panted. His hand on Arthur’s shoulder twisted the fabric of Arthur’s shirt, clutching desperately. Another finger slid smoothly into his arse, and he felt tension build in his groin, his balls tensing up already.

Arthur’s free hand came up to wrap around the base of Merlin’s cock, stroking in the same rhythm his fingers fucked into him, and when Arthur’s fingers curled, pressing against Merlin’s prostate, he grunted and came.

Merlin slid his cock out of Arthur’s mouth with a contented sigh. Arthur’s fingers also slipped free easily, and he smiled up at Merlin victoriously. Merlin reached for the lube he’d set aside, put a decent amount in his hand, then pulled away Arthur’s boxers to slick his cock. Arthur’s fingers had found his hole easily enough by just moving the fabric of his briefs out of the way, so he hoped it would be enough to do so again with something a bit bigger.

He pulled the fabric to the side enough that he could expose his arse and slide Arthur in, sitting slowly on Arthur’s cock. Arthur’s eyes had gone wide as he watched, hands tight on Merlin’s thighs.

“Jesus, Merlin.”

Merlin moved his hips in small, forward and back motions, giving Arthur a satisfied smirk. He was about to start riding Arthur in earnest when three hard knocks on the front door pierced through the moment.

Merlin groaned, and Arthur’s face mirrored the sentiment. Before either of them could consider not answering, Uther’s voice came muffled through the door, barely reaching their room.

“Arthur, it’s your father. I’d like to come in.”

Arthur’s face looked horrified. Merlin didn’t know if Uther had ever caught his son having sex as a teenager, but the face Arthur was making reminded Merlin of such a moment. Merlin slowly, reluctantly, eased off Arthur’s cock and got out of bed.

“I’ll answer the door,” Merlin said. “You just...take a minute.”

Merlin pulled on some joggers and padded into the living room. His heart was pounding in his chest, but he was strangely ready to face his uncle. He felt stronger than he had before. He was still mortified at his morning sex being interrupted, but the embarrassment was nothing compared to what it might have been.

“Oh, Merlin,” Uther said, surprised at seeing him for some reason. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know he and Arthur lived together. “I’m looking for Arthur.”

“He’s still in bed. We were about to get up and make breakfast if you’d like to join us.”

Merlin stepped aside and Uther entered warily, looking around with undisguised interest. Merlin closed the door behind him and waited.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Merlin fought the urge to quirk an eyebrow. Uther not wanting to impose? It was almost funny how his manners were coming out.

“It’s alright with me, and I’m sure it’ll be alright with Arthur,” Merlin said.

“Of course,” Uther said. He sat awkwardly on the sofa, and Merlin held back a laugh.

“I’m going to start cooking. I’m sure Arthur will be out soon.”

Walking to the kitchen, Merlin saw Arthur making his way to the bathroom. It made sense that he’d want to shower before talking to his father. Merlin just hoped he didn’t take too long, because the last thing they needed was Uther getting impatient when it already seemed like he was out of sorts being in their flat.

He was surprised when Uther appeared in the entryway a few minutes later. The sound of the shower made it clear where Arthur was, so it could only be for Merlin that he was in the room. Merlin couldn’t exactly pause what he was doing, otherwise the eggs would burn, but he gave Uther all the attention he could.

“Would you like eggs, by the way?” he asked.

“I ate earlier, but I am rather thirsty.”

“You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. I’d get it for you, but—”

“I understand, thank you.” Uther walked out of Merlin’s view and Merlin heard the fridge door open.

“Oh, glasses are in the cupboard just to the right.”

The cupboard opened and closed. Merlin heard the thud of the glass on the worktop, the sloshing of liquid, then the fridge opening and closing again.

He wanted to think the situation was awkward, but encounters with his uncle had always been this way. They’d always been stiff and polite around each other; the only difference now was that Uther was in _his_ home and that he knew Merlin was fucking his son.

Merlin finished the eggs and plopped them onto a couple plates, giving Arthur the larger portion. On the other hob, the mushrooms were just about done, so Merlin stirred them a bit then put a few slices of bread into the toaster.

“I wanted to apologise for my...for hitting you,” Uther said suddenly.

Merlin’s stomach lurched. He turned around, leaned against the worktop, and made himself meet his uncle’s gaze. Thin, wrinkled fingers firmly held a glass of orange juice, and the determined way he set his jaw reminded Merlin of Arthur.

“I accept your apology,” Merlin said evenly.

The bathroom door opened then, and Merlin heard Arthur’s heavy footsteps as he returned to the bedroom to dress. He hoped Arthur would be joining them soon so Uther could say what he came to say and leave. Merlin thought a phone call would have sufficed—not to mention it wouldn’t have interrupted them—but leave it to Uther to be old-fashioned and need to say things in person.

“Does Arthur know I’m here?” Uther asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll just be a few minutes. He’d only just woken up when you arrived.”

“That explains it,” Uther said wryly. Merlin thought he could see an amused glint in his eyes. “He never was a morning person.” Merlin snorted and turned back to check on the mushrooms.

Soon after, Arthur walked in. Merlin noticed he was wearing his usual weekend jeans, but with one of his fancier shirts, a collared red v-neck. An interesting compromise. Arthur’s nose led him to where Merlin was standing by the food, but he remembered his manners enough to speak to Uther before anything else.

“Morning, Father. Didn’t think I’d ever see you here.”

Merlin tried to make himself disappear and focused on preparing breakfast. Part of him wished Arthur would take Uther in the other room to talk, but he knew that was a lost cause when there was food involved.

“I came to apologise and discuss what happened a few weeks ago,” Uther said, getting right to it. “I’ve already said as much to Merlin; it was wrong of me to hit him.”

“And blame him for everything,” Arthur added. “A relationship is a two-way street and you were wrong to say I don’t love him.”

Merlin tensed up, wishing he really could disappear. But he was also tremendously proud.

“Yes, I understand that now,” Uther said, sighing. “I spoke with Hunith and after much yelling on her part, I admit she did have a few good points. I’ve thought quite a bit about it, trying to come to terms with it. In the end, I...I suppose if this is what you really want, if it’s what makes you happy, I can put aside my own feelings on the matter.”

The toast popped out of the toaster, making both Merlin and Arthur jump. Merlin transferred the hot slices of bread to their plates and turned around to look at Uther. His uncle’s face seemed sincere.

“You’re alright with this?” Arthur asked. He grabbed Merlin’s hand and Merlin let him thread their fingers together, raising them to eye level. “You’re alright with me and Merlin...together?”

Uther’s usual irritation and arrogance slipped through when his lips curled in a slight sneer, though it vanished as quickly as it came when he schooled his features again. “No, I am not ‘alright’ with it, but I realise it’s not up to me who you care for, nor am I capable of controlling every aspect of your life. I won’t get in the way of something that makes you happy. I’m willing to put up with it and keep my disapproval to myself. I understand that may not be the answer you want, but it’s the best I can give.”

Arthur looked at Merlin, and Merlin nodded. It was the best they were going to get, and it was far better than they ever would’ve dared hope for. Uther was accepting them; he wasn’t approving, but at least he was accepting.

“In that case...thank you, Father,” Arthur said.

Uther nodded in a way that suggested he was finished, and even turned to leave entirely, but then stopped. “And Merlin,” he said. Merlin blinked. “There are many things I’ve said to you that I never should have, and I’m sorry. I’ve always found you odd, the same way I’ve always found Hunith odd, but perhaps it’s simply because I don’t understand the two of you. You’re both very puzzling.”

Arthur had the nerve to laugh, and ruffled Merlin’s hair. “That’s Merlin. A puzzle.”

“Shut up, clotpole. Unless you don’t want breakfast.”

“Didn’t you want me to go to the library with you later?” Arthur countered.

“Thank you, Uncle Uther, it means a lot to me to hear you say that,” Merlin said, easily dodging Arthur’s elbow to the ribs.

“Have a good day,” Uther said with a final nod. “And thank you for the drink.” He set his empty glass down and left.

Arthur went to lock the door behind him, and when he returned, Merlin had finished preparing their meals. He had a plate in each hand and was on the way to the table, when Arthur said, “I can’t believe that just happened. I didn’t think it ever would.”

Merlin set their plates down, the glass clinking. “I can’t believe he came round when I had your cock in my arse.”

“You do have my cock in your arse more often than not.”

“Not true.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Shut up and let me eat.”

Chuckling, Merlin took his seat. For some reason he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. Just two short years ago, he’d randomly run into his cousin after long enough to be surprised by the change in his appearance, to be attracted to him. He’d gone from panicking over the fact to accepting it, to loving it, until they’d somehow ended up here, having breakfast in their flat on a sunny Saturday morning.

Merlin could easily spend the rest of his life this way, and looking across the table at Arthur, he had a feeling he could, too.


End file.
